Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCFavorite Modern Family Quotes
Claire: I got pregnant with Haley.
Phil: My bad!
Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal. Good times she wrote.
Phil
If Haley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she got mono for a few months and then tell everyone the baby's yours?
Alex
Jay: You want scary? When I was his age I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel.
Gloria: Why?
Jay: Because I could identify all the Commi planes.
Gloria: What are we talking about?!?
I was a lot like you in high school except my hair was shorter and my guitar was a flute.
Vitamin P
Tell me it was about booze, cheating, physical abuse - no problem. I'm a monogamous social drinker and Claire only sleep-hits me.
Phil
Mitchell: Still keeping traditions alive, huh?
Jay: Someone has to. I got two Colombians as home trying to turn Christmas into Cinco de Mayo.
Mitchell: You know that's Mexican right?
Jay: Ahh. Burrito, burr-righto.
Manny [about his father]: He's not afraid of anything, he doesn't wear a seat belt when he drives. He killed a bear once
Jay: Oh yeah? Was the bear in the passenger seat?
A bruja is a witch! A gar-golll is a gar-golll.
Gloria
That gay cruise ship has sailed.
Cam [on Lily having a normal childhood]
Cam: She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean.
Mitchell: You know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?
Cameron [about him and Gloria]: On paper we should be good friends, one spicy curvy diva.
Mitchell: And Gloria.
