By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.

Phil Dunphy this is the year 2025, welcome, you're the first one here.

Phil

Let me burn your clothes!

Haley [to Alex]

Put the 'he' in 'hero,' son.

Phil

Vegas you have a gambling problem and her name is Claire.

Claire

I am going to do what I am trained to do. I am going to lie, grovel, debase myself until I get what I want. I am a lawyer, damn it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley

I sleep clown.

Cam

Knock it off old man!

Mitchell [to Jay]

Sometimes I worry nobody's going to like Alex.

Claire

Claire: We are having fun.
Mitchell: You are. I'm just doing what you're making me do.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.