By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Closet Con is the premiere North American trade show for the closet industry. I stopped going years ago because it’s a trade show for the closet industry.

Jay

Ho Ho Hold up a sec!

Phil

Yeah, I'm just water-washing my hands.

Manny

I don’t get it, you’re the greatest generation, but why can’t you feel?

Manny [to Jay]

Turns out I've had my super-Dunphy all along.

Claire

Phil: We were, as they say, having sex.
Claire: That's not a euphemism. That's actually what we were doing.

Her head sounds like pop rocks.

Cam

How was it a big day for Biscuit? How?

Cam

First rule of golf, shhh.

Jay

Gloria: Hay is very spontaneous. He's always surprising me with little presents, fun getaways
Jay: I wasn't the greatest husband the first time around. I'm trying to do better this time around. And maybe by my third marriage I'll have it down pat. Yeah, that one's gonna cost me

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me