Torres: God, I love my life.
McGee: What, your shirt get even tighter?

Torres: It’s a bomb, right?
Reeves: Well, it’s gotta be. It’s a brick of C-4! Or clay, maybe.
Torres: Clay?! Why would it be clay?! With six wires and a mortar and clay?
Reeves: I don’t know, then it’s C-4! Shouldn’t there be a timer? There’s always a timer in the movies!
Torres: There’s no timer, but it’s definitely ticking.
Reeves: It’s absolutely ticking.
Torres: So what now?
Reeves: I don’t know, call the bomb squad?
Torres: What if there’s no time?
Reeves: How would you know if there’s no time?!

Torres: Oh, great. Now Metro PD sends the crime scene surveillance? Little late for that.
Reeves: Is it?
Torres: Seriously? There could be a bomb downstairs and you’re worried about a crime scene.
Reeves: All right, let’s just stand here waiting for the lift to open patiently, shall we?

Abby [about McGee]: He’s not all that involved, so…
Delilah: Just right in the middle of it.
Abby: Like, directly in the middle of it, yes.

I keep forgetting you’re really good at what you do!

Sloane [to Gibbs]

McGee [on baby names]: For the boy, we’ve got it narrowed down to Indiana, Han, or Harrison.
Reeves: Oh, gosh. Poor kid!

Chet Goodman: Generals. Always sending someone else to fight your battles.
Senator Phillips: When I’m fighting, you’ll know!
Chet Goodman: All due respect, this is a goodwill tour! You take your security detail and go back to shaking hands. Let me handle the jokes.
Senator Phillips: Well, I would, except the Geneva Conventions make torture illegal!

Senator Phillips: This is a Marine-occupied airbase. You sleep with a gun under your pillow?
Torres: It’s the desert. You know, scorpions.

Ah, so you got a Marine transport to be your own personal Uber!

Sloane

Vance: Well, it’s your word against your boyfriend’s.
Misty: He just accused me of *murder*. We’re no longer dating.

Bishop: I see you, McGee. Everything okay?
McGee: No. No, it’s not, because *you* decided to take over a Metro case on December 22! That is, let’s see, one, two, *three* days before Christmas!
Bishop: I had plans, too.
McGee: With twin newborn cherubs?!

Bishop: This place is not so sexy.
McGee: I don’t know, the roaches downstairs don’t seem to care.

NCIS Quotes

Bishop: Seriously? How'd you get that?
Tony: Well, it's like Gorillas in the Midst. You'll get to understand his grunts.

Torres: When I break out the glass, maybe I can rip out the bars.
Bishop: With what? Your superhuman strength?