Bishop: Y’know, I don’t remember Gibbs having to deal with quite so much paperwork!
Reeves: That’s because he used it for kindling.
Bishop: Ha.
Reeves: No, really. The first steak he ever grilled for me was roasted over our fitness evals!

Woman [nervously, holding gas can]: We’re, ah, not open yet!
Torres: You might want to put up a few ‘no smoking’ signs when you do…

McGee: Why’d you have to swing so hard?
Gibbs: Why’d you have to have to break my wood carving?

McGee: Well, we went from a snowball’s chance in hell of getting out of here to a--
Gibbs: --snowball’s chance in Arizona.

El Jefe: You set off the radiation alarm!
McGee: You shouldn’t have let me near the computers.

Gibbs: It’s strictly voluntary.
McGee: I’m good.
Gibbs: Well, you got new responsibilities.
McGee: Boss, I appreciate that, but… don’t forget, I’m an NCIS Special Agent.

McGee: What did Bishop say?
Gibbs: We should go to church.
Torres: Oh, my mom would be so happy right now…

Curtis: You can call me… anything you want!
Abby: How about “Totally Inappropriate”?

Gibbs: What’ve you got?
Abby: What we’ve got is prep for a fishing trip if you’re gonna go after Moby Dick, or else Dean and Hudson were preparing for war.

Jimmy: I know you like me, too.
Gibbs [ominously]: Oh, yeah.
Jimmy: Growing less and less certain by the second.

Ducky [regarding “Goodfellas”]: Actually, I saw it with Gibbs!
Jimmy: Really? Gibbs sees movies, like made *after* 1957?
Gibbs [walks in]: What’s your point?
Jimmy: Whoa. That was an impressively quiet entrance.

Bishop: Courtesy of Facebook, we learned that Dean once sailed across the Pacific. Alone.
McGee: Before that, he summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, also alone.
Torres: A man after my own hear. Except for the mountain climbing and sailing. And, uh, Meat Loaf.
Bishop: Hey, I like Meat Loaf.
Gibbs: Why are we talking about Meat Loaf? We got a theory or not?!

NCIS Quotes

Bishop: Seriously? How'd you get that?
Tony: Well, it's like Gorillas in the Midst. You'll get to understand his grunts.

Torres: When I break out the glass, maybe I can rip out the bars.
Bishop: With what? Your superhuman strength?