Nick: What does a man do about that pain?
Schmidt: Takes a bubble bath.

You got hurt on a hog man!

Nick

Just because a scary man yelled his name in your face doesn't mean you can't like sake baths.

Cece

Is this change of plans an overreaction to something?

Jess

I don't understand. Is Toby your name?

Schmidt

You show up sick, you might as well be dead.

Schmidt

Jess: Nick, are you eating raisins from my purse? I confiscated those from a kid.
Nick: That explains why they're so sticky. Sticky Nicky eats anything and I don't get sick.

I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer.

Nick

I'd give you a hug, but my shirt smells pretty weird today.

Nick

Jess: I just want to say I'm honored you're trusting me.
Schmidt: Oh, I'm not.

She lulled me to sleep and then she went rouge.

Schmidt

Please do not reach for it like you're Winston reaching for someones breast.

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick