I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I throw up.

Andy

I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend any more than 5 dollars on wine, you are very stupid!

April

If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I
will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

Chris

There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

Ron

Donna: Oh my God, you are such a sore loser.
Ron: I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.

I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.

Andy

Ron: Anne was getting a little chummy. When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
April: That's a really nice move.
Ron: Thank you.
April: You're welcome Lester.

Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Ron

Donna: Did you just pee your pants?
Jerry: Just a dab.

Ron: I'm not a spy, and I would not reveal classified information -
Ben: Do you have to say that every time?
Ron: Yeah.

Horizons are dumb, never broaden your horizons.

April

Leslie: It is nice to see you again.
Ben: Are you talking to my butt?
Leslie: Yes.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.