Mike: I'm just tired. You know, Cletus is in this humpin' phase. I had to spend half the night defendin' my easy char. Speakin' of, you know anything about gettin' stains out of couch cushions? I mean deep stains.
Ben: Nope. Know anything about gettin' disgusting images out of my head?

• Permalink: Nope. Know anything about gettin' disgusting images out of my head?
• Added: March 02, 2022

Deputy, look. I appreciate mythical creatures; I really do. Well, except for mermaids. You know, where do they get off sittin' up on the rocks all high and mighty, expecting you to ask them out on a date. I mean, why they so stuck up? I mean, if you half fish, you gonna smell all like fish, you understand?

Mike

• Permalink: Deputy, look. I appreciate mythical creatures; I really do. Well, except for mermaids. You...
• Added: March 02, 2022

Harry: I will never forget you.
Number 42: It was an honorable death. Honor my life by eating my dead body in a butter sauce with a nice chardonnay. [takes his last breath]

• Permalink: It was an honorable death. Honor my life by eating my dead body in a butter sauce with a nice...
• Added: March 02, 2022

Pizza guy: You pay for your pizza, or get out.
Asta: Of course.
Harry: Here, have some closet cash.

• Permalink: Here, have some closet cash.
• Added: March 02, 2022

D'Arcy: Shit, I didn't think of it. I should have told you to bring Kate. She would love this.
Ben: Oh, she, uh, took Max to her mom's for a couple nights.
D'Arcy: Oh, Benny all alone. Let me guess, cartoons and cereal for breakfast, cartoons and cereal for dinner.
Ben: The definition of a perfect day. And with Kate gone, I don't have to worry about holding in my farts.
D'Arcy: You don't fart around your wife. What's the point of being married if you can't fart around your wife?
Ben: [chuckles] Eh, I don't do a lot of things around Kate.
D'Arcy: What does that mean?
Ben: I don't know. Sometimes I feel I can't be myself in front of her. Can't do the things that I want to do.
D'Arcy: I thought you guys were getting along great. The way she talks about it, your place is all handcuffs and frozen dildos.

• Permalink: I thought you guys were getting along great. The way she talks about it, your place is all...
• Added: March 02, 2022

Mike: Robbed?
Liv: Yes, sir. Mrs. Plunkett was robbed -- of her sense of innocence that aliens don't exist.
Mike: OK. You think police work is a joke. You think this is a game. What you think I got Willie Wonka tattooed on my ass cause it's a chocolate factory or somethin'? I swear. Everything I say goes in one ear and right out the other.
Liv: Well, right now, that would be nice.

• Permalink: Well, right now, that would be nice.
• Added: March 02, 2022

Hello. You just missed a well-dressed man with a short memory.

Harry

• Permalink: Hello. You just missed a well-dressed man with a short memory.
• Added: March 02, 2022

Don't you be puttin' your hands on your hips to me! And you walkin' away with an attitude!

Mike

• Permalink: Don't you be puttin' your hands on your hips to me! And you walkin' away with an attitude!
• Added: March 02, 2022