It's not babysitting when they're yours!

Margarita on the house for the old married couple.


Roseanne: This is our 45th anniversary and I get to talk.
Dan: She's finally coming out of her shell everybody.

Jackie: Is that the hotel?
Dan: No. It's the ham people.

Jackie: What brings you to the kitchen?
Darlene: I was following a rainbow.

I'm gonna give your back a reason to flare up.

Dan: Does Madam approve?
Roseanne: Hell yeah Madam approves!

Dan: Did dadd let you dress yourself today?
Mary: No.
Dan: That's what I figured.

Dan: They're probably regular folks who want to make a home here. They painted their fence. They put in a new mailbox. They have an American flag for god sake.
Chuck: I'm gonna have to go with Rosie on this one. It sounds like they're trying a little too hard. When I drove through the South I have a Lynard Skynard bumper sticker.

Roseanne: Don't you watch the news?
Jackie: You don't mean the news, you mean Fox News and, uh there is no Talibanis...oh forget it.

Oh my god you figured it out. Terrorists are always neighbors. So all we have to do is arrest everybody!


What if this is a sleeper cell full of terrorists getting ready to blow up our neighborhood?

Roseanne Quotes

Dan: Candyman's home babe.
Roseanne: Oh, my favorite, drugs! What happened to the rest of our candy?
Dan: Funny story. Our insurance don't cover what it use to so I got the drugs for twice the price.

Roseanne: Dan! Dan!
Dan: What? What happened?
Roseanne: I thought you were dead!
Dan: I'm sleeping! Why does everybody always think I'm dead?
Roseanne: You looked happy. I thought maybe you moved on.