So because you have kids my problems aren't as important as yours?

Becky

• Permalink: So because you have kids my problems aren't as important as yours?
• Added: May 15, 2018

Roseanne: This is our 45th anniversary and I get to talk.
Dan: She's finally coming out of her shell everybody.

• Permalink: She's finally coming out of her shell everybody.
• Added: May 15, 2018

Pipe down everyone. Forrest Gump's talking.

Darlene

• Permalink: Pipe down everyone. Forrest Gump's talking.
• Added: May 15, 2018

If I was taking handfuls of these pills I'd be in a way better mood. Have you noticed me in a way better mood?

• Permalink: If I was taking handfuls of these pills I'd be in a way better mood. Have you noticed me in a...
• Added: May 15, 2018

I'm gonna give your back a reason to flare up.

• Permalink: I'm gonna give your back a reason to flare up.
• Added: May 15, 2018

I just found out I hate my mother which is really weird because I love my mother.

Crystal

• Permalink: I just found out I hate my mother which is really weird because I love my mother.
• Added: May 15, 2018

I do have a problem. I found these pills hidden all over the house.

Dan

• Permalink: I do have a problem. I found these pills hidden all over the house.
• Added: May 15, 2018

Dan: Did dadd let you dress yourself today?
Mary: No.
Dan: That's what I figured.

• Permalink: That's what I figured.
• Added: May 08, 2018

Dan: They're probably regular folks who want to make a home here. They painted their fence. They put in a new mailbox. They have an American flag for god sake.
Chuck: I'm gonna have to go with Rosie on this one. It sounds like they're trying a little too hard. When I drove through the South I have a Lynard Skynard bumper sticker.

• Permalink: I'm gonna have to go with Rosie on this one. It sounds like they're trying a little too hard....
• Added: May 08, 2018

Roseanne: Don't you watch the news?
Jackie: You don't mean the news, you mean Fox News and, uh there is no Talibanis...oh forget it.

• Permalink: You don't mean the news, you mean Fox News and, uh there is no Talibanis...oh forget it.
• Added: May 08, 2018

Oh my god you figured it out. Terrorists are always neighbors. So all we have to do is arrest everybody!

Jackie

• Permalink: Oh my god you figured it out. Terrorists are always neighbors. So all we have to do is arrest...
• Added: May 08, 2018

What if this is a sleeper cell full of terrorists getting ready to blow up our neighborhood?

• Permalink: What if this is a sleeper cell full of terrorists getting ready to blow up our neighborhood?
• Added: May 08, 2018