Scrubs Season 4 Episode 12: "My Best Moment" Quotes
Carla: Hey, J.D. Turns out Mr. Milligan doesn't have insurance. Dr. Kelso said once he's stable we have to bounce him to County. Sorry.
J.D.: Turk! Hey! If you go talk to Kelso for me, I'll give you this special Christmas gum.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, this is actually Mrs. Cross's medicated denture gum? So you have to sell it with your eyes. Sell it... Sell it...!
Turk: Okay.
J.D.: Damn, his cultures are back, he's not septic.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd start him on Dopamine.
J.D.: Already done.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd scan his head.
J.D.: I already ordered it.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'd definitely give Mrs. Cross her teeth back.
J.D.: That I will not do!
Tyler: My dad's in the I.C.U. What does that mean?
Elliot: Well, uh, Tyler, that stands for "Intensive Care Unit." It's where we put our patients who need extra care, like somebody who might need help breathing because their lung collapsed, or maybe they had a brain aneurysm, which is basically when a vessel ruptures and then blood pours into the- You know what, forget it. You wanna see someone who's worse off than your dad? We call him The Head in the Bed!
Carla: Hey, Elliot? Would you keep an eye on Tyler, here, while we take care of his dad?
Elliot: Hi! Yeah, I'm not that great with kids. They've got such tiny hands. It's creepy.
Carla: I'm leaving now.
Dr. Cox: Newbie! You never promise a patient that they're gonna be fine!
J.D.: Mr. Milligan? His blood pressure's a little low; he just has mono.
Dr. Cox: Oh, for God's sakes, Newbie, take a look around, would you please? What's the difference between your Mr. Milligan and every other patient in this I.C.U.? And if the answer to that question is that he's the only one young enough to have never made a phone call like this: "Brring! Hello? Operator? Give me (old man hacking)," then you'd be right. But since I'm not in the mood to make some big, dramatic, sweeping statement, I'll just tell you this: God hates doctors, He truly does. You see all these old people in here? Well, any of 'em would give just about anything to be able to sashay off this planet, but most of 'em are gonna stay and they're gonna live forever and ever and ever. And your Mr. Milligan, well, it turns out he's just young enough to die. I mean, think about it: It's the holidays, there's a sweet little kid involved. Can't you just feel it?
Dr. Cox: Phyllis. Outside. What the hell was that in there?
J.D.: Agh! That's one more point for Mrs. Cross. But let's see how she enjoys her beloved hard candy without... her choppers!
Mr. Milligan: Am I gonna get out of here in time for Christmas? Tyler's mom isn't around anymore, and I'd really hate to ship him off to his grandparents'.
J.D.: You'll beat Santa home. I promise.
Carla: Hey! You brought Tyler a new ice cream cone!
J.D.: Uh... sure.
Tyler: Thanks.
J.D.: It's a waffle cone.
Mr. Milligan: Just been so tired lately. Yesterday, when the little man and I were wrestling, he-he dropped me in ten seconds.
Tyler: I got him with a power kick.
J.D.'s Narration: There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital during the holidays. I think I'll tell Elliot that.
J.D.: There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital on the holidays.
Elliot: Mmm.
Tyler: Hi. That's my dad.
Elliot: Except that.
Tyler's ice cream scoop falls off his cone and plops onto the floor.
Elliot: And that.
J.D.: You know what'd be really neat? If you guys all took a second and thought about what your best moment in medicine was.
As one, the whole group stand up and leave.
J.D.: It woulda been neat.
Dr. Wen: Dammit, we lost him. Call it.
Todd: I'm not giving up on this guy! Prop his hand up.
Nurse: What?
Todd: I said prop his hand up!
The patient's hand is lifted, and Todd spits on his own palm and gives a high-five. The heart monitor jolts into a rhythm.
End Flashback
Todd: That's right: The Miracle Five.
Dr. Kelso: You take this one, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Great moment, there, dumb-ass. It starts out with a profound misunderstanding of how the human body works, and winds up with you shattering some old man's hand.
Todd: Oh, yeah.
