Scrubs Season 3 Episode 9: "My Dirty Secret" Quotes
Carla: This guy's sick.
J.D.: Thanks.
Carla: I can't believe you would veto the French Riviera for our honeymoon because of the nude beaches.
Turk: Baby, the whole point of marriage is that I'm the only one who gets to see your candies and whatnot.
Dr. Cox: Uh, Mr. Randolph, your PSA number's gone up quite a bit since your last blood test. Now, this could be from the prostatitis, we won't know for sure until your biopsy results come back later on this afternoon. But I feel pretty certain that we're gonna find something.
Randolph: Oh for God's sake Catherine, stop making a scene! I'm sorry doctors, but she gets a little emotional.
Dr. Cox: Are you two WASPs?
Randolph: Episcopalian. Why?
Elliot: (After giving a woman an orgasm during a pelvic exam) Let's go, Sean.
J.D.: Shouldn't you buy her breakfast, first?
J.D.: Heeey! How are the new happy parents?
Jordan: Oh, I'm living my dream. Have a great day today. Hurry home tonight so you can ignore your son and not do your share.
Dr. Cox: You make me want to kill myself and everybody around me!
Jordan: Thanks again for holding the door for me back there.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, I didn't know you were behind me because I didn't hear anybody telling me what a horrible person I am.
J.D.'s Narration: Around here we all make fun of each other. Except for Carla. No one makes fun of Carla.
Lloyd: Got a gross of bedpans here, and where should I pick up my medal?
Carla: For what?
Lloyd: For reading your chicken-scratch handwriting. Who is with me?
Carla: Listen, I run back and forth for 18 hours a day between patients who might die and patients who will die, and if I find time to write an order for bedpans, I write it fast. So you will forgive me if I don't feel like being judged by some guy in his thirties who still wears shorts to work! Now, go ahead and say the only three words I want to hear coming out of your mouth.
Lloyd: S-sign here, please?
J.D.: Elliot, don't be embarrassed. You're not the first person to give a patient an orgasm during a pelvic exam. No one cares.
Elliot: Please, I'm sure the two of you haven't stopped obsessing about it since the second it happened.
Turk: Woman, we're professionals. Isn't that right, Dr. Dorian? Dude!
J.D.: Oh, I'm sorry. What-what's up? What's happening with the other thing?
Carla: You're lying already! I love that!
Sean: Well, it wasn't even a dolphin that bit me.
Carla: What was it?
Sean: Black whale.
Turk: You rang?
J.D.: Yes! I knew you'd end up liking it!
Elliot: J.D., Sean's gonna let me swim with the dolphins this weekend.
J.D.: Oh really, that's great, I hope they don't maul you.
Sean: Relax Elliot, dolphins love people.
Elliot: H-how'd you get that giant scar on your leg again?
Sean: Oh, parachute pants. Yeah, it got caught in the zipper.
Elliot: Right.
Laverne: Thanks for the Sea-World tickets, Sean.
Sean: So, you have family in town or something?
Laverne: Hell no, I'm going to sell these.
Sean: Oh... okay.
J.D.: You know what? I think you're out of ways to bother me.
Janitor: No, you're wrong.
J.D.: Think of a way to annoy me right now. That's what I thought.
