Scrubs Season 3 Episode 7: "My Fifteen Seconds" Quotes
J.D.'s Narration: As I was doing the Naked Chicken Dance that my uncle Bart had taught me, I realized that life couldn't get much better than this.
J.D.: ...doom-doom, dop-dop, doom-
Dr. Cox barges in. J.D. quickly grabs something off the dresser to conceal himself.
Dr. Cox: Okay! Now, just because Jordan thinks it's cute that you're violating her little sister doesn't mean that you can use my guest-room for your nerdy, G-rated sexcapades. And oh, my God, what are you doing with my little boy, you sick, sick bastard!?
J.D. looks down to see that the item he picked up to hide behind is a photo of little Jack.
J.D.: My bad.
He flips the picture around. Now he's got Dr. Cox's face over his naughty bits.
J.D.: It's a beautiful shot of you.
J.D.'s Narration: She's awake. Say something romantic.
J.D.: Do you think this is a good time to start talking about a nickname for my penis? It's just that I-I dated this girl in college who made the decision without consulting me, and then all of a sudden there it was - eighteen straight months of it being called "Little Buddy". And we just didn't like that; not one bit.
Danni: J.D., I haven't even had coffee yet.
J.D.: Ah, you're right, I'm sorry... "Big Al" for example...
Dr. Kelso: (on phone) Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is you ventured into his side of the house... Baring his teeth, huh?... Okay, now here's what you do... Are you ready?... Make a sudden move!
He holds the phone from his ear as vicious snarls and barks mingle with a woman shrieking on the other end
Dr. Kelso: Ahhh, those two!
Jordan: This morning I asked you to do me a favor involving my mother. What was it?
Dr. Cox: Well... I can only hope that it had something to do with hiring people to kill her?
Dr. Cox: Lookit, after shooting my mouth off the other night I've been feeling a lot of...well...
Dr. Cox: No. Not that.
Dr. Cox: Yes, that.
Dr. Cox: I...I don't like her to be right.
Dr. Cox: But sometimes in medicine you have to just chalk it up to life's great mysteries, like crop circles or this gal's Adam's apple.
J.D.: I'm a girl, that's original.
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes the best thing to do, is just to say exactly what's in your heart.
J.D.: I'm sorry I puked on your shoes.
Danni: I'm sorry I wore sandals.
Todd: Dude, my broccoli is hot.
Turk: Please tell me you mean temperature-wise - because there is no way you can find broccoli sexy.
Todd: Oh...yeah...temperature-wise... And mini green boobs-wise! What's up!!
J.D.: You know, I hit my head so hard I actually saw cartoon birds. Then I realized I was in Pediatrics and it was just the wallpaper! Ha!
Dr. Cox: Stunning. Look, Tammy, as far as your love life goes, normally I couldn't care less who's laying your quivering body down by the fire while your lips whisper "No, no...no" but your eyes scream, "Yes. Yes. Oh, big daddy, yes!" But when you're dating Jordan's sissy-poo, it forces me to spend time with you outside of the hospital, and I just won't have that. So, hhhere's the deal: Don't want to have dinner with you. Don't want to go bowling with you. And I never, ever again want to walk into my kitchen and hear you say, "Ohh, it's waffle time! It's waffle time! Won't you have some waffles of mine?"
Ted: Are you okay Dr... (Voice fades out to incomprehensible sounds)
Dr. Kelso's Narration: Sweet dancing Jehovah, I've punctured my brain!
Jordan: So, we're gonna go eat some more disgusting fried food and then look at the fat lady to make ourselves feel better.
Danni: So, we'll meet you guys on the Ferris wheel. Only if your stomach's okay.
J.D.: Oh, yeah, it's only the back-and-forthy rides that get me.
Janitor(over PA): A quick note for all my comatose listeners out there: all your lovers have moved on. But, if it's any consolation, my sources tell me they're happy. Well, snooze, you lose.