Scrubs Season 3 Episode 8: "My Friend the Doctor" Quotes
Turk: Dude, today I had to sink or swim all on my own; and guess what? A brother swam.
J.D.: That is so fabulous! What is wrong with me today!?
Turk: Uh, where's Dr. Wen? This patient's ready to go.
Staffer: He just called. He got in a car accident, so he can't make it.
Turk: Don't you play with me, intercom lady! I will find you!
Staffer: Relax. Dr. DiStefano is on-call.
Turk: Thank God. We just dodged a bullet because, look, I am nowhere near ready to perform this type of procedure solo. I would have been terrified, you guys would have sensed it, and it would have been a horrible experience for all of us.
Staffer: Dr. DiStefano is stuck in surgery. It's all on you, Dr. Turk.
Turk: Big piece of cake! Who's with me?
Whoa, an American high-five! How perfectly vulgar.
Janitor
When I was in high school, I went to Europe for a month and I forgot to take my birth control pills, so I took like thirty the day I got home.
Elliot
Turk: So, you're currently on the pill, right?
Carla: Yes! Will you please, just drop it!
Turk: Okay. 'Cause, you know, you've gotta take it the same time every day.
Dr. Cox: Why don't we ever have sex?
Jordan: I find it a little hard to feel sexy seeing as I passed a human being out of my body six months ago.
Dr. Cox: Hey, lookit, I had front seats to that bloodbath, and it hasn't affected my sex drive.
Jordan: Oh, no, no, no, no, I got that when you asked the lactation nurse if she needed help getting things started!
Dr. Cox: Right.
Carla: Baby?
Turk: Hm?
Carla: What do you think about getting pregnant right after the wedding?
Turk: See ya!
J.D.: Carla! You can't ask a guy that while he's driving!
Carla: My bad.
J.D.: Yes, it was your bad, Carla.
J.D.'s Narration: Relationships can be defined by how long people have been together.
J.D.: I am so late, I don't even have time to eat.
J.D.'s Narration: Whether you've been together for a few weeks...
Danni: Do you wanna have sex?
J.D.: Yes.
Carla, I have a six-month-old child. I'm gonna be one of those weird old guys who brings my son down to the park, where everybody is like, Hmm, is he the dad? Is he the grand-dad? Is he the grand-dad's grand-dad? And, oh, my God! Why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his five-year-old little boy is in the mud crying? Is-is he taunting the little boy? No! He can't even see the little boy! And, now look, he's actually taking the traffic cone, putting it in the mini-van, and driving away while the little boy cries and the traffic cone sits quietly and watches 'Finding Nemo' on DVD.
Dr. Cox
Jordan: Whoa. I was in a sex coma. How'd you sleep?
Dr. Cox(pained): Great!
Jordan: Ohh, and Perry? I know I asked you to be more sensitive when we do it, but I was just hoping you wouldn't curse as much. I mean, to actually cry during sex, what's that about?
Dr. Cox: I guess I just love you so... much...?
Wow, you must be dancing on the wind right now! That sounded straighter in my head...
J.D.
Carla: But you know what? It's okay. Because I couldn't handle marriage until now. And I knew you when you were younger, and you would have been a horrible dad. Now? We're both ready.
Dr. Cox: Do you... do you think that my son will like me?
Carla: Oh, God, no.
