Scrubs Season 3 Episode 8: "My Friend the Doctor" Quotes
Elliot: Mr. Moran, I don't want to make any promises, but, uh, your cellulitis is resolving nicely, and I think that you'll be out of the woods soon.
Mr. Moran: So tell me something: How did an old geezer like me end up with the prettiest young doctor in the place?
Elliot: It's actually just a simple rotation system based on when your shift started and the last patient that you've seen-
Mr. Moran: Sweetheart, I'm just paying you a compliment.
Elliot: I have to go... Thanks for saying I'm pretty.
J.D.: You know why I wanted that to be you in 'The Fugitive'? Because it would mean you used to be a guy who had dreams and ambitions; and even though things didn't work out the way you'd hoped, at least it would explain why you are the way you are and...make you human. But instead, it turns out you're nothing more than a... a jerk who just likes to mess with people for no reason.
Janitor: "Kimball!"... You tell anybody, I'll kill ya!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, I need to get Enid a birthday present.
Elliot: Ahh! When's her birthday?
Dr. Kelso: I think it was last week.
Elliot: Um... well, a scarf is always nice.
Dr. Kelso: That's perfect. It's simple; it's elegant; and it'll hide her turkey neck.
Carla: Look, for what it's worth, instead of marrying a long time ago, I'm marrying a guy who probably won't be ready to have kids for another ten years! That'll make me like thirty...grghrghrgh.
Dr. Cox: More like forty-rghrghrghrgh.
Dr. Cox: I'm not-I'm not fighting anything.
Carla: So, even though you have a full head of hair, you still take Propecia because you like the way it tastes?
Dr. Cox: You know, the other day I found a gray hair in my happy trail.
Carla: Is that the patch of hair that goes from your belly button down to your pe-
Dr. Cox: It is, indeed.
Carla: So? You have a gray happy trail! A lot of women find it distinguished.
J.D.: Can you believe her? She says I beat her to that code because I still have feelings for her. I don't even think about her that way anymore.
Turk: Dude, you can't not think about her that way.
J.D.: Whatevah!
Turk: Okay, think about her right now... (J.D. imagines himself kissing Elliot)
Turk: Now think about her and Sean together... (J.D. imagines himself kissing Elliot again)
Turk: Now think about her and me together... (J.D. imagines himself in a black version kissing Elliot)
Turk: Kissing her all three times, except the third time you were a black guy?
J.D.: Yeah...
Dr. Cox: Say, Carla... boy, you... you look nice.
Carla: You're pathetic.
Dr. Cox: How's about we skip the insults and you do something helpful like prop me up, or throw on a skirt.
Carla: Turk, the night we got engaged, you said you couldn't wait to have kids.
Turk: How can you hold that against me? You were naked!
Carla: So I should just disregard everything you say when I'm naked?
Turk: You know, that's not actually a bad idea? We can call it The Naked Rule; and it should probably apply retroactively, so, um, you can get yourself to the airport next weekend?
Carla: Fine.
Turk: Gotta love The Naked Rule!
Elliot: Look, J.D., that was my patient; I was one step behind you, and you knew it. You stole my moment.
J.D.: This isn't about moments, it's about saving lives. Elliot, when I put my pants on-
Elliot: Yeah, I don't want to hear anything more about your pants! Look, we both know what this is about - from the second I started dating Sean, you obviously weren't happy. I thought that would change when you met someone, but I guess I've moved on and you're just acting like you have.
J.D.: Uhh, okay. Prepare for a storm-off. Hmph!
Family Member: Dr. Dorian, you can't imagine how grateful we are.
J.D.: Let me ask you something: Who's the cool doc you call when you want to save your husband, Paul? J.D.!... It's from 'Shaft'? Come on, how could you guys not get that?
Family Member: Yeah... That's our 'Citizen Kane'... Anyway, thanks again. You're a real hero.
J.D.: Oh, please, I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you guys... Except, after I put my pants on, I save your husband's life! Oh, no he didn't!
Jordan: I've been thinking about what you said this morning. And you're right, we have not been having enough sex lately.
Dr. Cox: Turns out yes, yes we have.
Jordan: No, we haven't. And tonight, we're gonna do it the way you always fantasized about.
Dr. Cox: Laying down in a big tub of ice?
J.D.: Yeah! It's just this whole janitor thing has thrown me for a loop.
Carla: Danni, we should watch the movie in Turk's room, because he's gonna keep talking about the janitor, even though we begged him not to.
J.D.: I won't, sweetie, trust me.
Danni: Let's go.
