Scrubs Season 5 Episode 1: "My Intern's Eyes" Quotes
Todd: Something on your shirt, kid.
Keith: (Looks down) Uh? (Todd does a nose flick) Uh!
Todd: Ha-ha-ha! Classic!
J.D.: Good morning, colleagues!
Dr. Cox: Oh, absolutely not.
J.D.: Ohh, what, Tall, Dark and Scary?
Ow! Look, no harm done. Here are your driving glasses... here's your driving scarf... and here are your driving gloves... Fine... here's your driving sock.
J.D.
Carla: Here you go, baby. I know you like foreplay, but I only have five minutes, so I made you a sandwich.
Turk: That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen.
Carla: Over here, Turk.
Turk: My bad, baby.
J.D.: The Turks are sneaky.
Turk and Carla: WHAT?
J.D.: Not you guys, I think Omar stole my pudding.
J.D.: Keith! Pudding!
(Keith throws his pudding to J.D.)
J.D.: I love interns.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I have kept my mouth shut about all the recent sexual harassment complaints because I don't think it's fair to punish a man for making small talk...or, say, asking his secretary just once to dress up as a geisha girl and call him Kelso-san...
J.D.: What?
Dr. Kelso: Nothing.
Dr. Kelso: I hate this place.
Dr. Cox: It hates you, Bob.
J.D.'s Narration: As for me, I caught my culprit because he made the classic mistake of returning to the scene of the crime. And all because I, too, had been eating Turk's special homemade brownies.
Dr. Cox: Angie, my buddy down in the lab just told me that your urinalysis came back positive for the birth control pill. So! I will be taking one of... these. Thank you!
J.D.: Dammit!
Dr. Kelso: Well, at least there's one attending around here I can count on.
Elliot: Ah, the hell with it, Bob. I don't work here! Have a good one!
Dr. Kelso: I hate this place
Dr. Cox: And it hates you, Bob.
Carla: That's it. All my birth control pills are gone.
Turk: Not exactly. That fig newton you're about to eat is not only fat-free but it's baby-free!
Carla: I just don't get it, Turk.
Turk: Look, we had sex twenty times in eight days, and I bet it's because you sensed my hesitance.
(J.D.'s trying to sneak out of the apartment in his underwear)
Carla:J.D.!
J.D.: I gotta make a quick twosie.
J.D.: I'm gonna have a good year, aren't I?
Dr. Cox: Anything can happen.
