Scrubs Season 3 Episode 10: "My Rule of Thumb" Quotes
Maggie: I guess I was just waiting for someone special, and now I feel like I've missed out on one of the fundamental experiences of life for no good reason, you know?
Carla: Is there anything we can do?
Maggie: Don't people sometimes pay for sex?
Elliot: Oh, boy, do they. I slept with Jenny Johnson's older brother in high school, and then he decided to tell all of his friends what my orgasm face looked like. Then three of them posed like that for their yearbook photos! Paid for that one for years.
Carla: Elliot, I think she means pay money for sex.
Elliot: Oh, I got a story about that, too - not about me, though, my mom... She gets lonely.
Elliot: Maggie, you seem so at peace with everything.
Maggie: There's really only one thing I'll regret... I'm thirty-eight years old and I'm a virgin.
Elliot: Me too.
Carla: Elliot!
Elliot: Sorry, sorry. It's just a reflex from college when I used to play the tambourine in a Christian rock band. Which was bull because everyone was sleeping with everyone. Sorry.
Maggie: Stop it, Ted. You're a great lawyer.
Ted: Ohh, I love her.
Turk: Look, if it makes it easier, you can just pretend I'm Carla.
Dr. Cox: I can totally do this. Carla.
Turk: Wha-at?
Dr. Cox: I think that your fiancé is a self-involved, bobble-headed jock itch who is not good enough for you. Not now, not ever.
Dr. Cox: Um, I think that-
Carla: Oh, hold that thought.
Turk: I would love to hear what you have to say.
Dr. Cox: I don't think so, there, bowling ball.
Turk: Well, you might as well spill it - Carla tells me everything. Except, of course, about that curling iron you have in your locker. It slipped!
Carla: You know, you're always taking shots at Turk, but you've never really told me what you think of him as a person.
Dr. Cox: Me-me-me-me, me-me-me-me-meeee. Ah, there's the right pitch.
J.D.'s Narration: Of course, some rules are just plain silly.
Dr. Cox: Ya got big plans for tonight?
Carla: Oh... It's Turk's stupid rule, I don't wanna talk about it. Hey! You never told me what you really think of Turk.
Dr. Cox: He is a complete tool... But I suppose you could do a lot worse.
J.D.'s Narration: And the janitor will think of new ways to torture me.
Janitor: Hey. Don't open your locker for the next couple of days.
Todd: Nurse, I know you're new here, so I wanted to offer you the chance to assist me in a bypass later. And by that I mean we'd bypass the kissing and go straight to the....
(The nurse removes the mask)
Todd: Oh, my God, you're a dude?
Turk: Sorry, Larry.
(Larry goes off to clean up)
Todd: Aw, I feel so bad. Look, I'll make it up to him. I will hook him up with...(scans room)...that chick!
Turk: Dude, that's Larry again.
Todd: Ohhh!
Dr. Cox: About a year ago, Jordan said she wanted to "crash for a while." Now my office is a nursery, my closet is my office, my clothes are in the entertainment center, and my TV is in the john, which I guess is kind of nice...I don't even know anymore.
Ted: Same thing happened to me. After my divorce, I told Mariana I was going to crash at her place for a few weeks, and we've been sharing a bed for eight years.
J.D.: Isn't Mariana your mother?
Ted: Hey, who are we talking about here, you or me?
Ted is about to jump off the roof
Ted: Not today! Life's too good!
Dr. Kelso: Chicken.
Ted: You are so beautiful.
Maggie: That was worth the wait! You are a stallion!
