Scrubs Quotes
J.D.: Why don't you just read lines with the old guy?
Dr. Cox: My job is to make sick people better. Not to help Bernie in there score a slice of Episcopalian tail on opening night.
Well, right after I got your test results back, I got on the horn with your dad. We started a phone tree, to find everyone. Now, there were some tears, mostly mine, but we got it done.
J.D.
J.D.: Look, all I'm saying is, it's important to go the extra mile with patients. It's like I was telling this girl last night...
(opens his cell phone and shows a picture to Dr. Cox)
Dr. Cox: Why would you tell her that?
J.D.: I didn't, I just wanted to show you who I'm going out with tonight.
Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie. There's a reason I can't go the extra mile with patients. It's uh, something personal.
J.D.: You can confide in me.
Dr. Cox: I'm a good doctor.
Elliot: Oh my god I treated that girl in the free clinic. She was born without nipples.
J.D.: I knew there had to be something wrong with her. She's too perfect.
Elliot: I was kidding J.D., I have never seen her in my life... Kelly Ripa!
Dr. Cox: I told you it would catch on.
J.D.: I don't think it's that funny.
Marston: How often do you make love?
Turk: Twice today.
Carla: Actually it was three times. You were asleep for the last one.
Turk: Wow, that really happened? I thought it was weird that you were in one of my sex dreams.
Carla: J.D., why don't you tell me what's wrong with your patient Mrs. Jones. Without looking at your chart.
J.D.'s Narration: Carla knew that without charts, doctors didn't know much about their patients.
Fantasy
J.D.: Mr. Barry, I misplaced your chart. I forgot, what's wrong with you again? Oh, that's right. You have a kitty cat stuck in your mouth... Or should I say you have a person stuck around you, little guy. Goo-che-goo-che.
Get a load of Mr Extra Mile Guy's leukaemia patient, sitting in there all by herself. Knowing him, he's probably out getting her a cake, shaped like a cancerous white blood cell.
Dr. Cox
Carla: You're worried about what I can handle? Vascular surgery wants an update every two hours on bed one. I'm weaning Mrs. Jones' Dopamine from 10mgs to 5. Mrs. Myerson's abdominal wound is dehiscing, and Mr. Wilder's about to be turfed to psych because he thinks he's Flo from Alice.
Wilder: Kiss my grits!
Carla: Exactly, Flo. Exactly.
Turk: Wait. Wait! T-this is the only way that I could suck up to Kelso without the other surgeons knowing about it.
Janitor: There you are! You're not Mr. Sommers.
Turk: No, I'm not.
Dr. Wen: Christopher. I heard you were sweating the rankings.
Turk: No! I'm married and trying to have a baby. Not having a job would be a big boost for me.
Tamara: Do I smell banana conditioner?
J.D.: That's one of my conditioners, yes.
