Kim: See ya round six, wear something slutty. Zoom, zoom, zoom!
J.D.:It's mine.

Carla: Look, I feel like I can give you a list of things that are sucky about being pregnant. For starters, I am now horny as I have ever been and my husband is repulsed by me.
Turk: Listen, if you really need it that badly, I will suck it up and shut my eyes so tight and then do you.
Carla: Thank you for the sacrifice.
Turk: It's because I love you.

I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. Oooh, appletini, when did they start drinking straight guy drinks?

J.D.'s Narration

J.D.: Two and a half weeks is too long to wait for a third date.
Kim: I'm pregnant.
J.D.: What now?

Carla: It is ok, don't get up. I got it!
Turk: Okay.
Carla: It's only your child.

Carla: Huh? Ya like that?
Todd: I felt it move.
Carla: Todd, you're touching your crotch.
Todd: I know, and I'm loving it.

Elliot Reid - Moment Killer

J.D.'s Narration

J.D.: Hey Tubby!
Carla: Oh J.D., I want you to feel the baby, come here quick!
(J.D. leans in to feel, at which point Carla smacks J.D.'s ears)
Don't call me tubby!
J.D.'s Narration: Pregnant witch!

Jack: I made poopy in the potty.
Dr. Cox: You know, son, as a doctor I spend a lot of my day dealing with other people's poop, and I'm not going to lie to you, Jackie, it gets old. That's not to say that I haven't enjoyed the last three years of waking up to a fresh brown trout in your Huggies besides you'll be doing the same thing for me some day real soon. Yet, aside from actually seeing you being born and the time Wayne Gretzky said 'what's up' to me in the line at the bank, you being out of diapers is the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. It truly is. Now why don't you go into your room and play for a little while because your mom and I are going to celebrate up here, grown-up style.

Listen up, Interns! Notice the definition in the upper calf. (Lifts pant leg to reveal his oddly youthful legs) Look at it, damnit! See that. Back in 'Nam the choppers used to hover about eight feet over my head and I'd jump in. You should have seen the look on Charlie's face. (To Rex) Not the enemy, son. The pilot, Charlie-horse. Great guy. He didn't make it back. Where's the cake?

Dr. Kelso

It's springtime at Sacred Heart and the whole hospital has that end of the year smell. (J.D. sniffs nurse's hair and cringes)

J.D.'s narration

Dr. Cox: Say, Bobbo, you wanna weigh-in on pregnancy sex?
Dr. Kelso: It's a freak show.

Scrubs Quotes

I'm narcissitic, I'm pessimistic, I'm obsessive, I'm insecure, and I am so afraid of intimacy that every one of my relationships is a journey of self sabatoge that inevitably end in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair.

J.D.

Doug wanted me to give this patient five hundred thousand milligrams of morphine. I thought I'd check with you before I kill a man.

Laverne