Scrubs Quotes
It's springtime at Sacred Heart and the whole hospital has that end of the year smell. (J.D. sniffs nurse's hair and cringes)
J.D.'s narration
Kim: Well I'm up for anything. I married my high school boyfriend, so the only first date I ever went on was in tenth grade. It began with me sitting in the back seat of his Miata because his friend Benny called shotgun and ended with us going to the arcade to, and I quote, "eat pizza and beat up nerds." And I married that guy.
J.D.: Well trust me, Kim, I've beaten up many nerds in my day. But tonight's about you having the very best first date ever.
Kim: Alright, sluggah!
Elliot/J.D.: Byyyeee.
Elliot: You don't have anything planned do you?
J.D.: You had to soil the whole food court thing. It's Veal Picatta Night at Sbarros.
Turk: All right. Kim's right there. We spent all morning crafting a line so raw with confidence that if you pull it off...you're back in the game.
J.D.: I'm afraid, Mocha Bear.
Turk: I know...buck up. (Turk pushes J.D. over to Kim)
J.D.: Hey, Kim.
Kim: Oh, hey. J.D., how are you feeling?
J.D.: Well, uh... The swelling's gone down...for now.
(Long, dramatic pause)
Kim: (Laughing) You're an idiot!
Head loves karaoke.
J.D.
Dr. Kelso: You know the difference between you and me, Dorian?
J.D.: Your melon-sized prostate, sir?
Dr. Kelso: I don't want to do this.
Janitor: I will just give the video tape to the police.
Dr. Kelso: Ladies and gentle, this is your chief of medical staff Bob Kelso, I feel compelled to tell you that I do in fact fear the Janitor. Honestly, is there anyone else of such brilliant mind? So please join me basking in the glow of the Janitors awesome... This isn't a word.
Janitor: Read it!
Dr. Kelso: ...'Fearatude'. Good night.
Janitor: ...and good luck! I love that movie.
J.D.: I saw you did that surgery on Mr. Peters. Did you decide it was the right thing to do?
Kim: No...actually it was a stupid career risk.
J.D.: Then why did you do it?
Kim: Because for some reason I find myself really caring about what you think of me.
Elliot: I am wearing red. Should I not be wearing red around her?
Turk: She's pregnant, she's not a bull.
And then the ultimate Cox-block.
J.D.
J.D.: I finally figured out what bothered me so much about you.
Kim: Well, lay it on me, studly.
J.D.: It's the way you're so concerned about protecting yourself. I mean, no one in this entire hospital has a bad thing to say about you, and I'm guessing that's because you're so careful not to rub anyone the wrong way. You still wear your wedding ring, that prevents any guy from getting anywhere near ya. You wouldn't operate on Mr. Peters, and we both know how you're protecting yourself there. I dunno, I guess in the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. I just, I was a little disappointed to find out who you turned out to be.
J.D.'s thoughts: I guess people can always surprise you.
Kim: This is the length of the average penis.
J.D.'s thoughts: What?!
Patient: That seems about right.
Kim: Good for you! I was just messing with J.D.
J.D.: You know what, I'm not talking to any of you guys. You're lying...! (J.D. checks patient's penis) Oh my God!
J.D.: You stole my video camera with all the scenes from 'Dr. Acula' the vampire movie I'm making.
Janitor: Why do you think I stole it?
J.D.: I don't know, maybe because I was surfing the hospitals website and I saw that someone posted the 'Dr. Acula delivers a baby and then eats it' scene. Someone with the screen name 'Rotinaj'. 'Rotinaj' is Janitor spelled backwards Rotinaj.
Janitor: Good morning Dr. Rotinaj!
Dr. Rotinaj: Good morning Mr. Clean Up Man.
