Scrubs Season 2 Quotes
Dr. Cox: Jordan. Please tell me you ate a raccoon and it's slowly making its way through your digestive system.
Jordan: Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby. Though not for lack of trying - see, we have sex a lot.
Julie: Who are you?
Jordan: Who do you think I am?
Julie: Well, you have keys to the apartment, so I'm gonna say... the maid.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, are you... are you crying?
Jordan: No... I don't know! I'm just completely hormonal! I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny to clinically depressed six times a day.
Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work.
Elliot: So, Dad, how are things at home?
Dr. Reid: They're good...good. Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.
Elliot: Well, you don't want to be one of those couples that does everything together.
Turk: Hey, man. You wanna grab a couple of beers tonight?
J.D.: Can't. I'm moonlighting at Urgent Care.
Turk: That's funny, the lady didn't call me?
J.D.: Well, maybe that's because I found out you stole a hundred dollars from me and I Marcia Brady'd your ass.
Turk: What?
J.D.: You know, when Marcia was working at the ice cream shop, and then she got Jan a job, and they liked Jan better, so they fired Marcia.
Turk: Yeah, "Marcia Gets Creamed" - Season Five, Episode Three. Don't ever question me on The Bunch. Besides, there's no way they liked you better than me.
J.D.: Then maybe it's because I told her that you smoke the ganja.
Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan; Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie. Okay! That was a treat, wasn't it? Now, would you like me to call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?
Dr. Cox
Jordan: Oh, no... He called you his girlfriend. If I were you, I'd start gathering your tiny panties up, because... I think you're done.
Julie: I'm already bored by you. Perry, I will be in the bedroom; come join me when Tubby leaves.
Dr. Cox: Oh, who did that to you?
Jordan: Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece, chock-full of available, wealthy men, scru-
Dr. Cox: So, it was the bellboy.
Jordan: Or busboy or poolboy... something-boy - I don't know.
Jordan: Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked; and then I thought, you know, I've kind of been drifting through life all these years and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me. Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid.
Dr. Cox: You should cut out the middleman and just have a therapist deliver him. I mean, honestly, Jordan, why-why are you telling me... this?
Jordan: Oh! Because I've also decided that I want you back
Carla: I thought I was gonna get to see you last night.
Turk: Yeah, I know, but I freakin' caught a E.M.T. shift, and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.
J.D.: That is so cool! Did they let you run the siren?
Turk: I'm not talking to you... And, yes
Elliot: Dad? Why are you so set on me being an OB-GYN?
Dr. Reid: Look, Honey, your highest income potential as a female physician is in Obstetrics.
Elliot: But... don't you think that, maybe it's time that you left those sort of things up to me?
Dr. Reid: Well, since I paid for your college, your medical school, your car, and now your apartment and all your living expenses, I'd have to say no.
Julie: Are you ever coming in, Perry? You can join us if you want, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.
Jordan: Okay, have one last fling. But I'll be back; and, until then, everywhere you look, you'll see me.
Julie: Everywhere anybody looks, they'll see you.
Janitor: Hey, idiot. Heh, I said "idiot" and you looked. Hey, help me carry this computer into my van.
J.D.: You can't just take a computer.
Janitor: Help me, or we go check out the trunk of your car.
J.D.: Stay low.
