Scrubs Season 2 Quotes
Carla: Bambi, I've got ten messages from my mother. My Aunt Marie won't stop calling me about my mother. I still gotta run home and put out canned food for my cat, because apparently the dry stuff doesn't cut it anymore. Plus, Turk and I can't find five minutes to spend together, because I'm working doubles and he's moonlighting non-stop so we can scrape together enough money to send my mother to a decent retirement community. So, what, Bambi? What?!
J.D.: We'll talk later.
Carla: So, you finally stood up to your father?
Elliot: Yep.
Carla: And he cut you off - no money, no nothing?
Elliot: Pretty much.
Carla: Jerk.
Julie: So, is your ex-wife like all women are crazy-crazy? Or more like that assistant who tazered David Spade-crazy?
Dr. Cox: Well, you gotta try and understand, she's going through a rough time right now, and I'm the one she's used to leaning on. Which, in her current condition, is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional.
Dr. Cox: I was always gonna wind up with you.
Jordan: So, the whole vulnerable crying thing worked, huh?
Dr. Cox: I never had a chance.
Jordan: You do realize I'm pregnant, don't you?
Dr. Cox: Yeah. They're both for me.
Jordan: Cheers.
Turk: You know, I keep waiting to get sick of pudding but with every cup I love it more.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.
J.D.: I mean the kid thinks he's Evil Kenevil.
Dr. Cox: Oh gosh Martha, I'd love to attend your safety camp this summer , I would, but here my parents are making me go to Maine with them. So what do you say you take a lot of pictures so when you get back we can both sit down and put together our friends forever collage. Come on now, the kid's sixteen years old, he's a little busted up, it's not that big a deal. I mean hell when you were a kid you musta cut your hand on your doll house.
Dr. Cox: There is no one that I hate more than that Medusa. She is everything that's wrong with medicine and even knowing she's in the hospital makes me wanna tear someone's head off.
Elliot: Doctor Cox! Is this a good time, cause I just have a teeny, teeny, weeny little question about Mrs. Com's necrotizing fasciitis.
Dr. Cox: For you barbie, anything.
Elliot: Super!
Dr. Cox: But first an interesting sidenote. I actually had my physical last week and while my cholestorol was low, my blood pressure was through the roof. Needless to say, my physican was stumped, but now thank God, you helped to solve that riddle. You see because the very instant I heard your shrill voice whining about a teeny, weeny problem, aww it took every ounce of self-restraint I had to keep blood from shooting out my ears.
Elliot: Doesn't it seem like in the time it took you to say all of that you coulda just helped me out instead?
Dr. Cox: Well yes it does, but here that's what makes it delicious.
Julie: Plomox is the most effective antiarrhythmic drug on the market right now and it has minimal side effects. Only nausea, impotence and anal leakage.
Dr. Cox: I'm getting two out of three just from the conversation.
J.D.: Hey, Elliot, I'm...I'm sorry that I was such a jerk before. But, hey, I got mine...right? Anyway, thanks for being classier than I am and not rubbing it in my face.
Elliot: No problem. Hey... You never told me that you're part Native American.
J.D.: What are you talking about?
Elliot: Aren't you a member of the 'Waitansee' tribe?
Janitor: Permission to speak, sir?
J.D.: You know what, no. No, you may not speak - not now, and not ever, okay? You have overplayed your hand and you may never talk to me again. Those are the rules of the game.
Janitor: Then I quit.
J.D.: No, no, no, no! No quitsies! Check-mate, Gin, and Yahtzee, my friend.
Janitor: You know, my son used to love to play Yahtzee with me, until you made me skip his play. Now he won't eat!
J.D.: We've started a new game now, haven't we.
Janitor: Yeah. It's called, You don't eat until Timmy does.
Turk: Hey, cutie! What's your name?
Carla: I'm Carla, I'm your girlfriend, and as much as I usually love it, I really don't have time to play that game where we pretend we never met, okay?
Turk: Carla's a pretty name.
Todd: Why won't any women talk to me?
Nurse: Because you're slimy. And you turn everything into a double entendre.
Todd: Not true!
Turk: Go ahead.
Todd: I'd like to double her entendre!
