Scrubs Season 4 Quotes
Elliot: Okay. The patient is in shock so the first thing we want to try to do is assess intervascular volume.
Dr. Cox makes a buzzer sound
Elliot: What, that's right.
Dr. Cox: I know. I wasn't bzzing you to indicate an incorrect answer. I was bzzing you because I was bored and I just thought that might drive you crazy.
Elliot: Ah, you're a wonderful teacher! Now stop bzzing me in front of my residents. It's unprofessional.
Dr. Cox: You're right Barbie. Carry on.
Elliot: Ahem. So, when you're dealing with cardiogenic shock... it's best to start fluid resusita-
Dr. Cox: BONG!
See Turk? This is our problem. We're trying to have a serious conversation here, but you're more concerned about how your OTHER wife is doing!
Carla
Elliot: College was weird. I was so worried about being liked that I let my freshman roommate think we were dating for three months. We broke up at a sorority formal. Ah, nobody could snuggle like Daisy. Didn't you say Dr. Cox was coming at 8?
Janitor: Oh, I'm sure he'll be here soon. I kissed a dude once. It was at furnace camp.
J.D.'s Narration: Turk and Carla were having some relationship trouble of their own. But at least they were working on it.
Turk: Baby, I don't understand why we can't discuss this after The A-Team.
Janitor: Um. We should be friends.
Molly: Okay.
Janitor: Do you like vanning?
Molly: I don't know what that is.
Janitor: It's kind of my thing. It's like taking a long drive in a car, only uh... it's in a van.
Molly: I'm still not getting it.
Janitor: Could you hang on for one sec?... She's an idiot.
J.D.'s Narration: *Even though she did the fake forget-my-name thing, she's here for me. I think we all know there's no patient.
Patient: They've landed. Grab some blankets and all the canned goods you can carry. We're moving to the sewers.
Molly: Apparently he's gotten really possessive of me. He won't talk to the new staff psychiatrist.
J.D.: Molly, I'm sure he's not that possessive. (He pats her on the arm)
Patient: Get away from my doctor! (He tackles J.D.)
Damn you, ruptured spleen! To be continued!
Turk
Carla: Turk. I found your cell phone in the parking lot.
J.D.: Four stories and not a scratch. What are you made of?
Janitor: How about my van for your Porsche?
Dr. Cox: I suppose when I win I could destroy your vehicle and make you watch, couldn't I? Bet.
I'm going to paint your Porsche mint green so it looks like my van's baby.
Janitor
J.D.(on phone): Hey, Kylie. I was calling to see how your day was going.
Molly: ...this ninety degree cave and sweat would just be dripping off our naked bodies.
J.D.: Naked sweat drips...
Kylie(on phone): What?
J.D.(on phone): Um, nothing, Kylie. It's a new band called the Naked Sweat Drips. They have a great song called Perfect Breasts...
Molly: ...And then I got so flexible I could put my legs behind my head.
Kylie(on phone): J.D., are you there?
Molly: You should come.
Elliot: Oh, frick on a stick. I gotta go. I want to hear the rest of the story, don't forget where you were.
J.D.: Feet up behind her head.
Kylie(on phone): Who has their feet behind their head?
J.D.: A patient, Kylie. Horrible car accident. You gotta wear your seatbelt, I'm telling you. Even around the block.
Molly: You know, they make thongs specifically for low-riders now.
Elliot: They don't work for me. I still can't sit down without showing the
whole world the crack of my ass. The other night, some guy tried to put a
pen in it.
J.D.'s Narration: Some guy... I never get credit for anything!
