South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 1 Episode 5: "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig" Quotes
With genetic engineering we can correct all of God's horrible mistakes, like German people.
Dr. Mephisto
Kyle: The next time Shelly is going to hit you tell her: "Shelly, you're my sister and I love you."
Kenny: And I want to take off your bra.
Stan: Sick dude! She's my sister.
Kyle: Try it!
Dr. Mephisto: Have you you kids seen anything unusual lately?
Kyle: We just saw an elephant have sex with a pig.
Dr. Mephisto: No, I said unusual.
Mr. Hat: I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, who hits you? Is it your father or your mother?
Stan: Well, neither one. It's my sister.
Mr. Garrison: Your sister? For God's sake, quit being such a little wuss! Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy, little fu-fu problems. And give me back my cocoa!
Cartman: If a girl pulled that with me I'd be like: "Yo! Why don't you start dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you while you go smoke crack and have sex with some guy in my dad's bed"!
Kyle: Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: I'm just saying Stan's a wuss is all.
Ms. Crabtree [about the elephant]: Excuse me, but what is that?
Kyle: That's the new retarded kid.
Ms. Crabtree: Sorry, little girl, but you still can't get on. You'll have to take the special ed bus.
Stan: What is that?
Kyle: That's my new pet elephant. He was supposed to come in from Africa in 46 weeks, but it only took 3 weeks.
Stan: That's cool!
Kyle: No it's not! My mom doesn't let him in because his poop is bigger than the couch.
Cartman: My mom got me a pot-bellied pig, because its poop is small.
Cartman: Why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews?
Kyle: There aren't any Jews in San Fransisco, retard!
Stan: What about our elephant pig?
Dr. Mephisto: I'm afraid I can't do that. Have you heard that song by Loverboy? (breaks into song) Pig and elephant DNA just won't splice.
Bebe: I'd want a pot-bellied elephant.
Pip: Yes! I'd pay $50 for one!
Chef: Hey, I know you. You're that crazy cracker from up on the hill top.
Dr. Mephisto: Sir, if splicing the DNA of humans and various animals together is crazy...
