Chef: Children, this whole film festival thing has quite lucrative monetary possibilities. Now I'm gonna sell some of my famous cookies to these Hollywood types and make a mint.
Cartman: What kind of cookies?
Kyle: Calm down tubby!

• Permalink: Children, this whole film festival thing has quite lucrative mon...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Mayor's Assistant: We are sorry the mayor cannot be here, because she issick.
Reporters: Aw c'mon, what kind of lame excuse is that?
Mayor's Assistant: She's having her period.
Reporter: Oh. Okay.

• Permalink: We are sorry the mayor cannot be here, because she issick. Aw ...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Chef: (Phone rings, he answers) Hello? What? Oh, hello, children! It's a what? A giant snake?! Killing everybody?! Growing bigger?! Children, you know I rarely say this, but, well... fudge ya. (hangs up)
Kyle: What did he say?
Stan: Dude, I think he told us to go f(beep)k ourselves.
Cartman: Wow!
Kyle: How's that gonna help?

• Permalink: Hello? What? Oh, hello, children! It's a what? A giant snake?! K...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Serves you right, you gay-bashing homo!

Mr. Garrison

• Permalink: Serves you right, you gay-bashing homo!
• Added: February 16, 2010

(giant ash-snake breaks through the wall)
Jimbo: Holy smokes, what the hell is that?
Ned: It looks like my ex-wife.

• Permalink: Holy smokes, what the hell is that? It looks like my ex-wife.
• Added: February 16, 2010

Okay. Everybody get in a line so I can whoop all your asses!

</i> Chef

• Permalink: Okay. Everybody get in a line so I can whoop all your asses!
• Added: February 16, 2010

Stan: Oh, yeah, dude! It's summer! That means we gotta buy fireworks.
Kyle: I saved enough money to buy M-80s this year.
Stan: I saw this one movie where a guy stuck a firecracker up a cat's butt.
Kyle: Cool! Maybe we can do that to Cartman's cat!
Cartman: Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants!
Stan: Jesus, Cartman!
Cartman: Well, I'm just saying, man. Seriously, don't mess with Kitty, man.

• Permalink: Oh, yeah, dude! It's summer! That means we gotta buy fireworks. ...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico?
Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.

• Permalink: Are fireworks legal in Mexico? Hell, everything's legal in Mex...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Well I can tell you that I'm 100% NOT GAY!!

Mr. Garrison

• Permalink: Well I can tell you that I'm 100% NOT GAY!!
• Added: February 16, 2010

Director: Lets play the Stars and Stripes. 1-2-3
(the kids play horribly)
Mayor: What the hell is that!?
Assistant: I think it's the stars and stripes.

• Permalink: Lets play the Stars and Stripes. 1-2-3 What the hell is that...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Mr. Garrison: (answering phone) Hello?
Mr. Mackey: Hello, is Mr. Hat there?
Mr. Garrison: Is this some kind of joke?!
Mr. Mackey: (chuckles) Yes.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! I'm gonna find out who you are!
Mr. Mackey: No, I don't think you can... M'kay?
Mr. Garrison: (hanging up) Goddammit!

• Permalink: Hello? Hello, is Mr. Hat there? Is this some kind of joke?! ...
• Added: February 16, 2010

Baby Stan: Oo das kill Kenny!
Baby Kyle: Oo bastards!

• Permalink: Oo das kill Kenny! Oo bastards!
• Added: February 16, 2010