South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 2 Quotes
Guard: Good evening, gentlemen.
Jimbo: Oh, hello, fellow American. We're just anxious to get back to our homeland.
Guard: Well, alright But before I let you go, I have to ask you a few questions.
Jimbo: Fire away. We have nothing to hide
Guard: Is there anyone other than the two of you in this vehicle?
Jimbo: No, sir.
Guard: Do you have any firearms or explosives in the car?
Jimbo: Yes I-I mean, no! No!
Guard: Open your trunk please, sir.
Jimbo: Damn! Damn, I always get that question wrong!
Cartman: I'm not going to sit here and listen to a bunch of hippies in denial. Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Stan: But Cartman we're (interrupted by Cartman)
Cartman: No, no, no. Screw you guys. Home.
Stan: What does he mean: "living in denial"?
Kyle: Dude, it's Cartman. He's just being a dumb ass like always.
Cartman: I can't possibly finish this whole chocolate cake by myself. Oh yes I can.
Kyle: Shut up Cartman!
(Cartman's Flashback)
Dr. Mephesto: Cartman's father is John Elway.
Cartman: All right!
John Elway: Come on son, let's go get some ice cream.
(Outside the flashback)
Cartman: Now that's what I call a sticky situation.
Stan: John Elway's not your dad, it's your mom because she has a penis.
Executive: How would you like to make a million dollars, baby?
Mrs. Crabtree: How'd you like to suck my ass!
Mrs. Crabtree: Let me have some of your aspirin.
Man: Uhh, miss, those are actually rufies.
Mrs. Crabtree: Rufies, aspirin, right now I don't give a rat's ass!
Stan: Oh my god! Kenny... killed... Death...
Kyle: You... bastard?
Kyle: Dammit Cartman! You are such a fat f**k!!
Ms. Crabtree: What did you say?!?!
Cartman: Hey, you guys! What if Ms. Crabtree doesn't come back and we're all trapped up here forever!
(The kids all gasp.)
Kyle: We couldn't get trapped up here forever, Cartman; we'd die after a couple of days
(The kids all gasp louder.)
Stan: Dude!
Kyle: What?
Cartman: (scared) I don't wanna die on this bus with you assholes! You guys suck!
Stan: Dude, would you just relax? We've been in a lot worse situations than this, and we've come out of them just fine.
Kyle: Worse than this??
Stan: Oh, sure. Don't you remember the time the alien visitors kidnapped your little brother Ike? Now THAT was scary!
(all the kids are panicked and making a lot of noise)
Ms. Crabtree: All right! (she opens a box and pulls out a revolver and a rabbit) Everybody shut up or the cute little bunny DIES!!
(everybody shuts up)
Stan: She's always trying to get us to shut up by threatening to kill that bunny, but do you think she ever would?
Kyle: Oh she would dude, she would.
Kyle: Are there any questions? Yes, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: Yes, where the f**k did you hear this ridiculous load of bulls**t?
Kyle: From Vietnam veterans.
Producer: This isn't working! Somebody get pissed off and throw a chair at Ned.
Cartman: Dibs!
