South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 3 Quotes
(blind, right next to Kenny's smushed corpse) What happened, you guys? Is Kenny okay?
Cartman
Cartman: I swear if you call me 'Piggy' one more time, I will rip your balls off with my bare hands!
Eye doctor: Piggy.
Eye doctor: 1 or 2?
(shows a selection of girls)
Cartman: 1.
Eye doctor: 1 or 2?
(1 is an apple, 2 is a chocolate cake slice)
Cartman: 2.
Eye doctor: Goddammit, it's 1!
Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy.
Chef's Father
Stan: Wait, you guys. Maybe... is it possible... that we're just jealous because Chef is our friend, and now he's paying attention to somebody new?
(Silence)
Kyle: Yeah, so?
Stan: Yeah, screw that bitch.
Cartman: Bitch, I hate that bitch!
Eye doctor: Alright, let's get down to business, shall we?
Cartman: Gee, that's nice, my mom didn't pay you to be a comedian!
Chef's Mom: Oh, Lord he was angry.
Chef's Dad: Damn right I was angry...
Chef's Mom: No, not you, the monster; he was about to kick yo' ass.
Chef's Dad: You crackers want to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Stan: Nah, that's okay.
Chef's Dad: Oh, it must have been about 7, 8 years ago... Me and the little lady were on this boat, you see... All alone at night when all of a sudden, a huge creature, a giant crustacean from the Paleozoic era, comes out of the water!
Chef's Mom: We were so scared, lord-have-mercy. I jumped up in the boat and said "Thomas! What on earth is that creature?!".
Chef's Dad: It stood above us looking down with its big red eyes...
Chef's Mom: Oh, it was scary.
Chef's Dad: And I stood up and yelled "What do you want from us, monster?!", and he bent down and said "I need to borrow treefiddy...".
Kyle: What's "treefiddy"?
Chef's Dad: Three dollars and fifty cents.
Chefs love song:
Sometimes you fall in love!
And you think you'll feel that way forever!
You change your life and ignore your friends cause you think it can't get any better!
But then love goes away, no matter what it doesn't stay as strong!
And then your left with nothin cause your thinking with your dong!
So watch out for that lover! It can destroy like a typhoon wind!
Just play it cool and don't be a fool!
Mr.Garrison: And never let poontang come between you and your friend!
Chef: Damn Right Garrison!
Stan: She killed Kenny!
Kyle: You Bastard!
That bitch, she's stealing Chef from us.
Kyle
(to Eye Doctor) If you call me piggy one more time, I am going to seriously rip your god damn nuts off with my bare hands!
Cartman
