Stan: Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny start playing the flutes and drum as they march. Cartman starts beating the drum.)
Cartman: Yeah! Do you like to rock?! I like to rock! Hello, Baltimore!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
Cartman: I'm playing the drum!(He continues to beat the drum.)
Kyle: You're not supposed to beat the drum, you hit it!
Cartman: You don't hit a drum! You gotta beat the (bleep) out of it! (He starts to beat the drum again.) Shut your pie-hole! I'll kick your ass, you (bleep) drum!

I will not rest until the South have won, and Stan and Kyle are my slaves, because I hate those guys. I hate those guys with every part of my tired Confederate body.

Cartman's Letter

Al Gore: Wow, there's quite a crowd out there.
Aide: Yeah. It's like the million man march, except there really are a million people out there.

Mr. Garrison: Hey guys, let's all play a game of grab-ass.
Gerald: What's grab-ass?
Mr. Garrison: We just run around in circles and grab each other's asses.

Stan: Give up, fatass! There's over a hundred National Guards down here.
Cartman: Suck my ass!

Stan: (after Kenny was killed by a flare) Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!
Grandpa: You bastards!
Kyle: (to Grandpa) Hey!

Cartman: Now I believe you guys are going to be my slaves for a month.
Kyle: You cheated Cartman, and the bet was that the South won the Civil War and the South still didn't win the Civil War, fat ass.
Stan: Yeah, too bad you're such a dumb ass in history or you would've known.
Cartman: I hate you guys; I hate you guys so much.

...and was forced to live off her own feces for several days.

</i> News Anchor

Stan: You can't just show up to a Civil War re-enactment dressed up like General Lee, fatass.
Cartman: Oh really? I'm pretty sure I just did.

I hate you guys, I hate you guys so very, very much...

</i> Cartman

Cartman: (as Tom Brokaw) Good day, gentlemen. I'm here to get the big story, the big scoop. I have just found out that you have found some kind of ship from an alien race. Seeing that I am Pulitzer Prize winning Tom Brokaw
Executive 1: Look, kid. Did you think this was going to fool anybody? You don't look anything like Tom Brokaw?
Cartman: What? Dare you question my integra-tah?
Kyle (from inside): I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have a mustache, fat ass.
Cartman: Whooh, I had some bad burritos today.

Marklar: You Marklars must leave.
Missionary: But you will all burn forever in eternal hellfire!
Marklar: Yes, that's nice, thank you for stopping by.

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life?
Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it?
Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life?
Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him?
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.