Stan: Oh, my god! Fonics monkey killed Kenny!
Cartman: You're damn right, he did.

Mayor McDaniels: Alright, Eric. Here's your word. Chair.
Cartman: C'mon Phonics monkey, drum!
(Monkey does nothing)
Cartman: C'MON!
(Monkey is doing something, but not drumming)
Cartman: Eric, your word is chair!
Cartman: UhhDefinition?
Mayor McDaniels: Something you sit on.
Cartman: Country of origin?
Mayor McDaniels: English!
Cartman: Could you use it in a sentence?
Cartman: ChairC-H-A-R-E (Buzzer) Dammit, how come I always get the hard ones? (Runs off the stage) GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH PHONICS MONKEY!

(Mark, the home schooled kid, rolls into Mr. Garrison's class in a giant hamster ball.)
Mark: Hey guys, what's up?
Cartman: Dude, what's wrong with you, you got some kind of John Travolta disease or something?
Mr. Garrison: Alright children, let's all just try to ignore the fact that there's a little boy in a giant hamster ball and continue on with our lesson, okay?

(at the spelling bee) Kyle, Kyle, he's our man, if he can't do it I'm out 50 bucks.


Mark: Now look at her she's a damn whore papa.
Butters: Damn right.

Cartman: Alright that's it, SCREW YOU GUYS; I'm going to home school.
Mr. Garrison: Oh please God, let it be forever.

Jimbo: You can do it kid, you can do it!
(after Kyle spells incorrectly)

Stan: Shut up, Cartman!
Cartman: You shut up, butt-hole! (Hit's Stan)
Stan: You shut up, gay-wad! (Hit's Cartman)
Cartman: You shut up, ass-logger! (Hit's Stan)
Mark: Oh my goodness. Are you two enemies?
Stan: No... we're friends.
Mark: Strange friends would call each other names and fight.

(singing) Who would have thought such a miracle could be, who could have known that this moment I would see, a new way of living, a chance to be free!

</i> Cartman

Cartman: You're going down bitch!
Kyle: Shut up fat-ass, everyone knows I can spell better than you.
Cartman: Yeah, well this year I have a secret weapon. (Gives Phonics Monkey a thumbs up)

Now look at her, she's a goddamned whore, Papa.


Gerald: You see, son, fads come and go. And this "Chin-po-ko Mon" is obviously nothing more than a fad. You don't have to be a part of it. In fact, you can make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers, "I'm not going to be a part of this fad, because I'm an individual." Do you understand?
Kyle: Yes. Yes, I do, Dad. Now let me tell you how it works in the real world. In the real world, I can either get a Chinpokomon, or I can be the only kid without one, which singles me out, and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my ass.
Gerald: Hmm. Good point; here's $10. On second thought, here's $20 pick up one for your brother too.

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life?
Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it?
Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life?
Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him?
Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.

Stan: All we ever heard growing up was "save the rainforest. The rainforest is fragile."
Kyle: Yeah. Fragile, my ass!