South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 5 Quotes
Kyle: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.
Stan: Good call.
Ohhh, the tears of unfathomable sadness, mmm, yummy yummy you guys!
</i> Cartman
They may take our pride, but THEY MAY NEVER TAKE MY GODDAMN $16.12!!!
Cartman
Cartman, you are so goddamn stupid it is unbelievable.
Stan
Movie Theater Guy: That'll be six dollars.
Cartman: Okay and how much is that in pubes?
Well, son, I think you've got a pretty stupid plan there.
Jimbo
Eric! Are you training that pony to please you?!
Jimbo
Cartman: (eating chili) Hey, this is great!
Scott: Eh, it's a special recipe.
Cartman: Yeah, this is really good, Scott!
Scott: I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you
Cartman: What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?
Scott: (surprised) W-What??
Cartman: Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott. I switched it with Chef's.
(Chef looks surprised at what Cartman says.)
Cartman: It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap. I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your wiener. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a drunken redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. I also know that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your wiener bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents.
(In the flashback, Scott's parents get shot at.)
Mr. Denkins: (after flashback) Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I have my rights.
Scott: My mom and dad are dead??
Cartman: (continues) I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins giving his report to Officer Barbrady; and of course, to steal the bodies. After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could tell you personally about your parents' demise! And of course, feed you my chili. Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili."
Scott: Oh, my god! (pulls out a finger from the chili) OH, MY GOD!!! (throws up violently)
(singing) Nyahnyahnyahnyahnyahnyah! I made you eat your parents! Nyahnyahnyahnyahnyahnyah! Nyahnyahnyahnyahnyahnyah!
Cartman
Jimbo: What's a 'Radiohead?'
Cartman: You know, that band that sings that song (sings) 'Well, I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo...'
Cartman: Don't be jealous guys! This doesn't mean we can't still hang out. It just means I've matured faster than you. You'll get your pubes guys, someday.
Kyle: Cartman you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself!
Cartman: What?!
Cartman: Excuse me sir, could you please point me in the direction of the pube fair?
Man: The pube fair? There's no such thing, you little smart ass.
