The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSThe Big Bang Theory Quotes
I don't trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM's will lead the charge.
Sheldon
Wolowitz: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.
Penny: Sheldon's in jail.
Leonard: What'd he do?
Penny: The same crap he normally does, except to a judge.
Wolowitz: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut!
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.
Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography? I'm sure ages 79 to 87 were just action packed.
Sheldon [about Stan Lee]
Sheldon: I believe you know why I'm here.
Penny: I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.
I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland, absolutely. And I'd leave him there.
Wolowitz
Instead of underpants, I covered my crotch with potato salad this morning. Thoughts?
Leonard
Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?
Sheldon
Sheldon: Do you recognize this?
Leonard: Not the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: Indeed, the roommate agreement. I call your attention to the friendship rider in Appendix C: Future Commitments, Number 37. In the event one friend is ever invited to visit the Large Haldron Collider, now under construction in Switzerland, he shall invite the other friend to accompany him.
Leonard: For god's sake!
Penny: You actually put that in an agreement?
Leonard: We also put in what happens if one of us gets a MacArthur grant, or if one of us gets super powers, or if one of us turns into a zombie.
Sheldon: He can't kill me, even if I turned.
Penny: Ts there anything in there if one of you gets a girlfriend?
Sheldon: No, that seemed a little far fetched.
Penny: We're going to Disneyland and ride the Matterhorn?
Leonard: How does that involve air travel?
Penny: We're going to Disney World and ride the Matterhorn?
Leonard: This tray contains clues as to what you and I are going to be doing on Valentine's Day.
Penny: Wow okay, let's see. We got milk chocolate, Swiss cheese, fondue... my lactose intolerant boyfriend is going to eat all this and I'm going to climb on your back and rocket to the moon?
