I will do my best not to kill you.


Apparently I'm not rude in an entertaining way.


No, it's cultural appreciation. He loves Frida Kahlo.


I'm poor. Back when poor was funny.


Jackie: Amazing. I could listen to this man talk for hours.
Peter: And I would let you.

Dan: You didn't get a job insulting people?
Darlene: I was overqualified.

Gary: I'm not sure people are gonna enjoy that.
Darlene: Oh. Am I missing something? I thought I was pretty rude.
Gary: Well, you see, there's rude and then there's McNasty's fun rude. You know, everything all in fun.

Chinese kids are building robots and our kids are confused by what cows do.


Who's offended by a ninja costume? I've lived in Lanford my whole life and I have yet to run into a ninja.


Dan: It's Halloween for god's sake! That means 24 hours without laws or rules.
Darlene: That's the "Purge" movies, dad.

Our whole family is saddening. Does that mean we can't go out anymore?


Becky: Why aren't you in costume?
Darlene: Oh I can't I have a job interview at McNasty's.
DJ: That place where all the waiters are rude to you? You are perfect for that.

The Conners Season 1 Episode 3 Quotes

Harris: Oh my god! You guys won't believe what happened. I passed my driving test!
Jackie: Apparently it's pass everyone day.
Harris: Come on! I'm not that bad of a driver.
Jackie: I let you drive home and you made a garbage truck swerve. You don't see something that big on two wheels everyday.

Hey, this is a good box. We got a bloody foot on a hook and a dissected alien and some tax returns. Ooooh! The IRS believes we have a home office.