The Magicians
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on SyFyThe Magicians Quotes
Josh: OK, so I got some kind of bad news. Fillory has two moons, and if either of is full, then wolf time.
Margo: So one of them’s full soon?
Josh: Both are, tomorrow night, which is why your wolf PMS is acting so bad now.
Margo: I’m about to be a double werewolf?
Josh: It’s OK because there’s still cages. I checked, so it’s totally fine.
Margo: It’s not fine.
Josh: You’re doing great.
Margo: No, the skin hardening spell I keep trying to cast, so I don’t get flayed alive, only stuck to the left half of my body. And also, I want to murder everything.
Josh: Oh, uh more than usual?
Margo: Yes, in fact.
Josh: Well, maybe just some deep breaths, and you know, you got this.
Margo: Fuck breathing. I’m too annoyed to breathe, but I like you anyway. Thanks for the cheerleading wolf boy.
Eliot: Well, your subjects are rightly grateful.
Margo: For sending that letter, a.k.a. that thing I totally didn’t do. You did.
Eliot: Why split a hair? Let them bake cookies.
Margo: Lie cookies?
Eliot: It’s not a lie. You saved them through me, your advisor, acting on your behalf.
Margo: Nice retcon.
Eliot: Then as a wise king once said: ovary up. Let your subjects be inspired by a simple, uncomplicated story. That’s what the people want.
Eliot: Where are you going, and why are you dressed like a goth survivalist?
Alice: Fillory, just quick.
Eliot: What’d you got there?
Alice: Nothing. I did a thing; this is a byproduct. I just have to take care of it.
Eliot: Alice, do you need help? You seem a little bit distressed.
Alice: I’m fine. I just have to do it alone.
Eliot: I’m sorry. You pulled an actual piece of Quentin’s soul out of his … that is insane. What if it’s …
Alice: Keeping him from resting?
Eliot: Well, is it?
Alice: Look, I just need to get to the top of this mountain and throw it in.
Eliot: The Mountain of Ghosts that Rupert Chatwin was looking for before the band of aggressive talking squirrels kidnapped him? I’m finally reading the books. Margo’s been on my ass about it. Anyway, is that it? The one with the hole at the top that goes all the way to …
Alice: Down to the Underworld? Yes.
Eliot: Well, this is too important; I’m helping.
Alice: I don’t need your help.
Eliot: Well, you’re getting it.
Eliot: I don’t want her to think …
Dark King: Have you ever noticed that people generally think what the hell they want.
Eliot: I’m starting to think you’re a little bit of a shit-stirrer.
Dark King: I just fundamentally believe that the best way to honor someone is with the truth of them. You could give her more of that truth, but you won’t.
Eliot: I just want everyone to remember Quentin however they want to, and to get through the fucking day.
Dark King: I’m just pointing out that what you’ve got in that secret pocket could help her remember the real Quentin.
Julia: So, while you’re waiting.
Penny: God, that’s always a great idea, but I really do have a headache.
Julia: No, I need a ride.
Death is so simple, and life is so complicated.
Dark King
Alice: Quentin?
Young Quentin: Where am I? Where are my pants? If this is a dream – and it seems like it’s a dream – shouldn’t knowing it’s a dream wake me up? Unless it’s a lucid dream, like that episode of Voyager, or I’ve been kidnapped by aliens who are trying to get secrets out of me like that other episode of Voyager. Something wrong?
Alice: No, it’s just you sound like someone I used to know.
Eliot: This isn’t real.
Fen: Eliot. Hey.
Eliot: Hey. How are you talking right now?
Fen: I’m dead, not rude.
Eliot: Oh, you’re a ghost.
Fen: Am I?
Eliot: Sorry.
Fen: It’s hard to be mad. I was a terrible High King, or that’s what a lot of people screamed at me, and a lot of strangers screaming at you can’t be wrong.
Eliot: Right.
Fen: Eliot: This isn’t real.
Fen: Eliot. Hey.
Eliot: Hey. How are you talking right now?
Fen: I’m dead, not rude.
Eliot: Oh, you’re a ghost.
Fen: Am I?
Eliot: Sorry.
Fen: It’s hard to be mad. I was a terrible High King, or that’s what a lot of people screamed at me, and a lot of strangers screaming at you can’t be wrong.
Eliot: Right.
Fen: Anyhoo, they hung me. Fen out bitches.
Yu-jin: Your friend is like if cocaine was a person.
Kady: It’s a hedge bar. That description fits half the people here.
Yu-jin: Not you.
Kady: What am I?
Yu-jin: A Mosad assassin undercover as a lumberjack.
Kady: And you play bass in a J-Pop cover band.
Yu-jin: Close. K-Pop.
Kady: Finally getting that GED?
Penny: Have some respect. I’m a professor.
Penny: How are you feeling?
Kady: I thought that if I took on more power and more responsibility, that I’d want heroin less, but the truth is, when I thought I relapsed, I wasn’t disappointed. I wasn’t mad at myself. I was relieved. It gave me permission to relapse some more. Trying to lead the hedges, it’s only going to get harder. And I’m not sure I can do it without a crutch, which maybe means I shouldn’t do it at all.
