The Magicians
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on SyFyThe Magicians Quotes
Fen: Margo, can I saw one thing? I’m sorry I slept with Josh. We were just lonely …
Margo: Fen, stop apologizing. I don’t own Josh’s penis, and I don’t want to.
Fen: But you seem so …
Margo: Can I have a complicated emotion without having to resolve it so you can feel better?
Margo: Eliot sent the letter. I was going to let you die for Fillory. Kings, we have a job and we put it first. Right?
Fen: So, you didn’t save us, and then you stabbed me. Am I a fool? No, no, really, am I?
Josh: No more than me.
Fen: You’re a lovesick idiot.
Josh: Hey.
Fen: I went into battle for you, thinking you gave a single flea on a donkey’s ass for any of us, thinking that we owed you something. Stupid me.
Eliot: I don’t want her to think …
Dark King: Have you ever noticed that people generally think what the hell they want.
Eliot: I’m starting to think you’re a little bit of a shit-stirrer.
Dark King: I just fundamentally believe that the best way to honor someone is with the truth of them. You could give her more of that truth, but you won’t.
Eliot: I just want everyone to remember Quentin however they want to, and to get through the fucking day.
Dark King: I’m just pointing out that what you’ve got in that secret pocket could help her remember the real Quentin.
Death is so simple, and life is so complicated.
Dark King
Josh: Or you could walk away.
Margo: Can’t. This is for Fillory.
Josh: You’re a little wolf crazy right now and mad. You might actually kill her.
Margo: I know how to properly lightly maim someone, thanks for your concern.
Dark King: Have you ever had love?
Eliot: Love, like …
Dark King: Love. It’s OK, you can say anything. I’m a stranger, and you’re drunk.
Eliot: The friend we’re putting to rest.
Dark King: Wasn’t just a friend. Does she know?
Eliot: God no.
Dark King: A torrid secret affair.
Eliot: Nothing like that.
Dark King: That seems a bit selfish then. I’m just saying that seems rather important information that he can’t give her.
Eliot: I mean, why punish her like that?
Dark King: Why spare her? You don’t close.
Eliot: Because she really, really loved him.
Dark King: So did you.
Referee: Fencicle, what is your persuasion?
Fen: I mostly date humans.
Referee: Are you a female? And you Janet?
Margo: Duh.
Referee: There can, of course, only be one female centurion.
Josh: An Act III twist.
Referee: For all the obvious reasons …
Margo: Um, not obvious to me.
Referee: I know dear; that’s one of the reasons. You spar by the light of the glorious double full moon tomorrow night.
Fen: Tomorrow night?
Margo: That’s no good. I’ve got plans.
Fen: Me too. I mean …
Referee: Gravest apologies, but it’s the schedule.
Margo: Chuckle buddy, I have a sexually transmitted curse. Sun goes down tomorrow, I go wolf. This guy goes wolf.
Fen: Ember’s balls.
Margo: And her too for some reason. That what you want here? Sure to be entertaining. Probably be everyone in here’s last show.
Fen: Margo, Josh and I only did … six, or seven, or less than a dozen times, give or take. And we would have never, ever would have done it, if we had known …
Margo: Excuse me, I need to sharpen my ax.
Eliot: I can’t send it, but I can’t just let it go.
Alice: It’s OK. He was your friend.
Eliot: He wasn’t just my friend. I’m sorry. He loved you. Why would I want to take that away from you now? That would be so cruel.
Alice: Do you really think I didn’t know there was more? I knew Q really well, and if anyone was messy, it was him.
Eliot: Yeah.
Alice: He was pretty in love with you.
Eliot: I’m not sure that I’d say that.
Alice: I would. What was I supposed to do, huh? Demand that he only love me. Scream at him to be a less complicated person. I mean, it’s Quentin we’re talking about, and I loved him – the real him, all of him.
Eliot: You’re a danger tourist?
Dark King: No, mourning someone.
Alice: Who was it? I mean, if you want to say.
Dark King: Well, the love of my life. Died ridiculously young, but he was a Magician, and there’s nothing more dangerous than that. My dreams were so filled with him; I was convinced he was haunting me. So I took his diary up to the top of the mountain and threw it in. I felt a little better, so who knows?
Tour guide: Umber’s dead. Don’t tell me you’re grievers?
Alice: What’s wrong with that?
Tour guide: You’re not prepared for the mountain. You can’t run fast because you’ve been sitting around eating cake and crying.
Eliot: OK, I can grieve and handle a little cardio, thank you very much.
Alice: Yeah, we’re Magicians; we’ll be fine.
Tour guide: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Eliot: What did you mean by not my pilgrimage?
Alice: I mean, I’m here putting my boyfriend to rest, and you tagged along.
Eliot: Right, because I barely knew him.
Alice: You know what I mean. You’re here out of some sort of combination of thinking I’m incompetent and your guilt that he died saving you.
Eliot: You know what, you are way too smart for me to ascribe what you just said to total stupidity, so I’m going to go ahead and file it under, ‘You must be fucking joking right now.’
Alice: No, I’m not. This is hard enough without you judging me every step of the way.
Eliot: Is that how you don’t bicker because that would explain a lot about how you and Q kept falling apart, beyond the obvious of course.
Alice: The obvious?
Eliot: Yeah.
Alice: Like drunk threesomes with you and Margo?
Eliot: Oh, um, solid point, but I was thinking more of that one time when you betrayed all of us, I ended up possessed, and Q died cleaning up the mess.
