The Magicians
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on SyFyThe Magicians Quotes
Penny: If it were going to be here anyway, I figured Lipson could come here, do the treatments, run some scans. Two birds.
Julia: Right, but Lipson said the baby was fine.
Penny: She said she needed to some more tests. She said it might be dangerous.
Julia: And you said you’d have my back, and instead, you’re trapping me here. She has to reapply the treatments every couple of hours.
Penny: I’m just looking out for you and the baby. Somebody has to.
Hyman: Oh shit. Sorry, I’ll be quiet go on.
Penny: You can’t eavesdrop on people’s shit like that.
Hyman: But…
Julia: Hyman, you have a body now. You really need to understand boundaries. So do you.
Josh: It seems like I missed a lot here.
Margo: It’s actually super simple. The Dark King a.k.a Rupert Chatwin is trying to jailbreak his dead lover out of hell or whatever, so he needs to get rid of the guard dogs first. Hence, using you as a human smallpox blanket to kill the Takers.
Josh: Yeah, uh, I meant more like … contraception wards are supposed to be full-proof.
Margo: Don’t worry, my uterus is on lock.
Josh: Right, ‘cuz a werewolf baby could be, yikes, but potentially very cute.
Margo: Fucking adorable. Someday. Not now. I’m not giving birth to a god damn litter, Josh. Besides I thought we were done.
Josh: You risked your sanity to save me from the Taker realm. If that doesn’t buy us a clean slate…
Margo: So can we skip to the reunion banging? You’re wearing three rubbers.
Josh: At least.
Eliot: Will you please help us choose a globe? Margo is chopping at the bid, and Josh is holding her off for as long as he can.
Fen: I thought I could take myself into this, but I just keep thinking if this was earth, you would try a lot harder to find some other way.
Eliot: Yeah, probably.
Fen: So maybe it’s my job to represent Fillory, but not just the people, the place, the history, the things we can’t take with us. You want my permission to destroy it? I can’t give that to you.
Eliot: Well, if you have any other ideas we are all ears. Do you?
Fen: No.
Kady: So you could help us steal it.
Marina: No, no, no. I don’t do things like that anymore. Stealing from the Couple, people will get hurt.
Alice: Way more people will get hurt if you don’t help us.
Marina: Alice, friends don’t make friends grapple with the trolley problem.
Hyman: Remind me, you are…
Fen: Fen.
Hyman: Fen?
Fen: Eliot’s wife. Fillory girl.
Hyman: Oh, of course, Fillory girl. You’re the one who loves forks.
Hyman: What’s got you grumpy?
Fen: I’m fine.
Hyman: As a seasoned viewer of people, I think you’re upset because their plan is zany, and if you speak up, you know they won’t listen.
Fen: What, no, their plan is great. And they do listen to me.
Hyman: Didn’t Eliot say you were a hayseed from a backwards prolapsed asshole of a planet? Or were you not there? OK, outsider to outsider, doesn’t this feel like the part in the story where the good guys are just wrong? Heart’s in the right place, but they haven’t learned the lesson of this little morality play they’re in yet. So they have this crazy plan that makes them almost as bad as the villain.
Fen: Oh.
Hyman: Or maybe it’s just me.
Penny: Your parents, were they magicians?
Hyman: No, dad was a door-to-door snake salesman.
Penny: Snake oil?
Hyman: No, and my mom worked at a brothel, you know just mopping.
Penny: Did she, uh, did she suffer from any mental problems, psychic stuff from being pregnant with you?
Hyman: Oh no, nothing like that. After the lobotomy, she mostly just sat on the porch and sucked at bits of hay. Other than that, she was the perfect mother.
Hyman: Oh, this is incredible. I love fingering things.
Penny: OK, how about a few being alive in the 21st century ground rules. First of all, you can’t act like a fucking pervert anymore. Even white dudes can’t get away with that shit -- most of the time. People can see you and hear you…
Julia: And smell you. Sorry, pregnancy nose.
Penny: No, ground rules Hyman.
Marina: You guys, come here.
Kady: Uh.
Marina: Kady, I just wanted to tell you I am so sorry for all the times I have hurt you. Come inside for cookies?
Alice: What the fuck was that?
Eliot: You want to get that, or…
Ember: Oh, it’s just a mouse farted something. A very gassy mouse.
Eliot: Umber.
Umber: It is I, an energetic emanation of Umber, great god of…
Ember: Piss off. Nobody wants you here.
Umber: I have heard your lamentations, and I am here to help. I was designed to intervene if my anarchist brother tries something stupid like blowing up the planet.
Fen: It didn’t explode. I did it. I chose wisely. I’m wise.
Josh: All the people of Fillory are going to fit into a seahorse?
Eliot: How’d you know that was the one?
Fen: Because that’s how Ember and Umber first brought people to Fillory. They chartered the Great Seahorse to carry us in his pouch. What, how’d people get to earth?
Josh: The same. The same.
Julia: It’s just terrifying, you know? What is Lipson does the tests, and it’s bad news? You know, right now everything is good, and the thought of losing any of that is just…
Penny: Julia, it’s not the baby I’m freaking out about it. Look, I told you how my dad left, but what I didn’t tell you -- what I haven’t told anyone -- is around that time, my mom started having episodes, getting disoriented, hearing shit that wasn’t there. The doctors thought it was the stress from my dad bailing on us, but…
Julia: You think it’s because of you.
Penny: What’s happening to you looks just like what’s happening to my mom. The episodes didn’t stop when I was born; they got worse. When she burned down our apartment, it was the first time I got thrown into foster care. She’d fight to get me back, and then she’d get sick again. Eventually, the state took me in for good, and I was scared, but I was more scared of my mom. I fucked her up for life.
Julia: I’m so sorry.
Penny: I don’t want what happened to her to happen to you.
Julia: OK, I get it. I’ll do it -- the scans, the treatments -- but you have to know it won’t be like what happened to your mom. We know about magic. We have ways to deal with it.
Penny: And I won’t put you in a cage.
