Favorite The Office Quotes
A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.
Dwight
I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyone's signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt!
Stanley
Jim: Stop shoving me.
Dwight: Aww, stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up.
Happy birthday Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.
Michael
We figured out your goal. I'm gonna make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.
Dwight
Did one of you tell Stanley that I have asthma. 'Cause I don't. If this gets out, they won't let me scuba. And if I can't scuba, what am I working toward?
Creed
Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim: It's... a crime-fighting beaver.
Michael: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby?
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children, since it's uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, Hooters is catering, and is that - is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it... not that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be.
Ryan: Creed? Did you organize the menu book?
Creed: Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis.
Ryan: No... it was mandatory.
Creed: Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing.
Who started the rumor that there is another person inside of me ... WORKING ME WITH CONTROLS??!
Kevin
Hey Pam? All that stuff with Kevin... pretty scary. I'm thinking that, uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out, you know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking timebags.
Michael
I'm ravenous after a night of love making.
Dwight
