Popular The Office Quotes
Usually on sexual harassment day everyone harasses me... as a joke.
Pam
What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? THIS GUY!
Todd
What has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy!
Jim
Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It's the perfect situation for me. Although the two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one... and it's under the porch.
Dwight
A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so I couldn't hear the other dead people.
Dwight
Jim: Phyllis by a nose! Gold medal in Flernuntin.
Pam: Flonkerton.
Jim: Thank you, delegate from Iceland.
Jim: I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis.
Phyllis: Are you calling me a ho?
Jim: Oh my God. Phyllis coming alive! I like it.
Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
Dwight
I have been Michael's number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like... Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like... Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in the head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Dwight
Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.
Michael
I'm an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.
Michael
[on the phone] All right, done deal! Thank you very much sir! You are a gentleman and a scholar! [pause] Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry. My mistake. [hangs up] That was a woman I was talking to... so, she had a very low voice. Probably a smoker. So that's the way it's done!
Michael
