It's time to put this matter to bed... That's what she said ... Or he said.


What is love anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules, like me and Jan or Oscar and some guy. Life is short; when two people find each other, what should stand in their way?


Jan: You know, it's amazing to me that in this day and age you could be so obtuse about sexual orientation.
Michael: I watch The L Word... Okay? I watch Queer as (bleep).
Jan: That's not what it's called.

I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters.


Gay porn, straight porn, it's all goooood. I don't particularly get into this, but you know what, I totally see the merit. And actually, it is quite beautiful.


Phyllis: I'm getting married to Bob Vance.
Michael: That's great! Congratulations. That is great and frankly... kinda amazing. See... everybody has a chance.

Michael: I need to know who else is gay. I don't want to offend anyone else.
Dwight: You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
Michael: Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.

Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.


I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but, I can assure you that it's certainly not more flammable.


The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays.


I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's I made love to many, many women - often outdoors, in the mud and the rain... and it's possible a man slipped in. There'd be no way of knowing.


Yeah, I'm not a temp anymore. I got Jim's old job. Which means at my 10-year high school reunion, it will not say "Ryan Howard is a temp." It will say "Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm." That'll show 'em.


The Office Season 3 Episode 1 Quotes

Michael: I call everybody faggy. Why would anyone find that offensive?
Toby: I think Oscar would like it if you just used "lame" or something.
Michael: But that's what faggy means!

You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.