The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Quotes
Marge: I can't kill her, she's Lisa's god mother
Apu: You can apologize in hell
Marge: I guess I could!
Lisa: Apu, how did you survie?
Apu: Well, as a vegetarian, I did not consume any tainted meat and as a convenience store owner, I am armed to the teeth
Lisa Simpson in detention? My horoscope told me I'd see something interesting today, but I thought that'd be the horoscope itself
Principal Skinner
Lighten up ladies, it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume
Homer Simpson
Marge [about Homer]: Is he okay?
Akira: He feels no pain. Oh I'm sorry, my English is not so good. I meant to say he feels only pain
This goes against every feminist bone in my body, but dad, can't you control your woman?
Lisa
Of all the crazy things I've ever done, this is the craziest and you're doing it!
Homer [to Marge]
I am not a scalper, I'm just a dude whose 200 friends did not show up
Ticket Scalper
Marge: Ultimate makes everything worse
Otto: Not frisbee!
Marge: Otto, don't you have a sack to hackey?
I know we saw awesome beatdowns tonight, but remember don't try this at home. Do it at the school yard, someplace where if you get hurt, we can sue. And not just them, but the school, the county, the state and that jackass Joe Biden
Homer [to Bart]
Groundskeeper Willie: Come on ya pansies, I've seen fiercer fights in parliament
Sideshow Mel: What is this, prime minister's question time?
I'm a Simpson, and a Simpson never gets up unless he's tried at least one easy thing
Bart
