The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 1 Quotes
Bart: Okay, we all know why we're here, right?
Milhouse: No, why?
Bart: To fight Nelson, the bully. That guy has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can't promise you victory. I can't promise you good times. But the one thing I do know--
(All the boys file out.)
Bart: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
(Homer prepares Bart for the sack race at the company picnic.)
Homer: You remember the rules from last year?
Bart: Yeah. Shut my mouth and let your boss win.
But now it's time to say good-bye. Please get off my property until next year. I suggest you don't dawdle. The hounds will be released in ten minutes.
Mr. Burns
Homer: Are you sure that's enough? You know how the boss loves your delicious gelatin desserts!
Marge: Oh, Homer, Mr. Burns just said he liked it...once.
Homer: Marge, that's the only time he's ever spoken to me without using the word "bonehead."
Dr. Monroe: Hello, I'm Doctor Marvin Monroe. No doubt you recognize me from TV.
Lisa: We would if we had one.
Homer: Lisa!
Mr. Burns: Good to see you. Glad you could make it.
Father: Oh, thank you, Mr. Burns. I'm so glad you invited us.
Son: Not me. I had to miss little league for this.
Father: Quiet, Tom.
Mr. Burns: Oh please, please, don't fight. Just go out back and have a good time. (to Smithers) Fire that man, Smithers. I don't want him, or his unpleasant family to ruin my picnic.
Smithers: He'll be gone by the tug-of-war, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Homer: Now look, you know and I know this family needs help, professional help. So I've made us an appointment with Dr. Marvin Monroe.
Bart: The fat guy on TV?
Lisa: You're sending us to see a doctor who advertises on pro wrestling?
Homer: Boxing Lisa, boxing. There's a world of difference.
Homer: To save this family, we're going to have to make the supreme sacrifice.
Lisa: No, Dad. Please don't pawn the TV!
Bart: Aw, come on, Dad, anything but that!
Marge: Homer, couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?
Homer: Now, I appreciate that honey, but we need $150 here.
Pawn Shop Owner: Afternoon, Simpson. So, what can I do for ya?
Homer: Would you pay $150 for this lovely Motorola?
Pawn Shop Owner: Is it cable ready?
Homer: Ready as she'll ever be.
Pawn Shop Owner: Mister, you got yourself a deal.
Homer: Okay, now look; my boss is going to be at this picnic, so I want you to show your father some love and/or respect.
Lisa: Tough choice.
Bart: I'm picking respect.
You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment," and god bless her soul, she was really onto something.
Homer
Sherri: Hey, Bart, our dad says your dad is incompetent.
Bart: What does incompetent mean?
Terri: It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down doughnuts than doing his job.
Bart: Oh, okay, I thought you were putting him down.
You're not as stupid as you look or sound or our best testing indicates.
Mr. Burns [to Homer]
