The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Quotes
They say that Dark Stanley will kill you, then go wee-wee in your skull.
Milhouse
Marge: Homie, you woke up early?
Homer: Stumbled home at dawn, same diff.
(Bart tries to reject conversation with his therapist.)
Dr. Swanson: Well, I get paid whether you make progress or not. Why don't we just kill the time playing video games?
Bart: (Sarcastically) Yeah right. I bet you got a bunch of learning games. Why don't you go online and find a boyfriend, while I take a nap?
(Bart turns over and lies down on the couch.)
Dr Swanson: Actually, I just got "Death Kill City II: Death Kill Stories!"
Bart: Whoa! You've got DKCIIDKS?! That one's rated bad for everyone!
Then I had this crazy dream that my family were all just cartoon characters and that our success led to some crazy propaganda network called Fox News.
Bart
(at therapy)
Apu: He used to rob me two, three times a week. Now, I'm lucky if I get it once a month.
Snake: He never initiates it; I have to do all the work. He just stands there.
Yokel child: Hey, you're one of those funny people with a big, crazy nose!
Krusty: A clown?
Yokel child: No, a j--
Krusty: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing Joker so I'm not that offended.
I'm blue collar. I'm totally blue collar. My dad owns a shovel.
Andy Dick
Nelson: And just when you think he's done, Dark Stanley takes your skin and makes footy pajamas.
Dolph: Nobody pajamanates my skin!
Hey! This peppy stuff isn't bad! Maybe I will write that jingle for Buzz Cola.
Stephen Sondheim
They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. When they came back the next day, the whole cemetery was missing!
Bart
Krusty: Kids, it's finally happening: your own primetime special. The songs will be written by Broadway's greatest composer: this guy. What's your name again, Fuzzface?
Stephen Sondheim: Stephen Sondheim. I know you hear this all the time, but I think you're great.
Krusty: And I'm sure you hear this all the time: you cost an arm and a leg, so let's get to work.
Stephen Sondheim: Here's the opening number.
Krusty: (taking the sheets) Complex harmoniesintricate lyricspithy observations on modern life. What is this junk? Where's the zazz? Just do what you did in "Cats."
Stephen Sondheim: I didn't write "Cats."
Krusty: You didn't?!
Look at those morons! They sing because they're stupid.
Homer
