The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 19 Quotes
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, you have a mild back sprain. And you also ingested a dangerous quantity of grave dirt.
Homer: Well, you're always telling me I should eat more dirt.
Dr. Hibbert: Not dirt, vegetables!
Homer: Which grow in what?
Mr. Burns: My boy, you are a star.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Mr. Burns: An opera star.
Homer: (Disappointed) Oh.
(Homer and Marge enjoy the buffet at a wake.)
Marge: Oh Homer, you gotta try this roast beef au jus.
(Homer takes a bite.)
Homer: Mmm! Au jus! Not quite gravy, not quite blood.
(Placido Domingo towel snaps Homer in the locker room after a performance.)
Placido Domingo: Nice set, Homer. That was a hot one.
Homer: Wow, praise from Placido Domingo.
Placido Domingo: Just call me P-Dingo.
Homer: Ehh, I'll think about it.
Marge: Homer, we're trapped! Your fans will rip us to pieces!
Homer: Not me. They love me.
(Homer warms up his voice before a performance.)
Homer: (Singing) D'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo-hoo. Stu, stu, stu, stu-pid Flanders.
(Ned Flanders peeks in the dressing room.)
Ned Flanders: Why the crescendo, my dear, old friend-o?
Homer: (Singing) Get lost you waste of a mustache.
Ned Flanders: Okily-dokily.
(to Julia) So, did you see the show tonight? Remember the part where I forgot the words and I just sang "Uh-oh Spaghetti-os"? I'm hoping they send me a case.
Homer
(In the dressing room after Homer's first performance.)
Bart: Dad, you were great!
Lisa: And you contributed to our culture!
Homer (Worried) Well, I didn't mean to.
Lisa: No, no. It's a good thing.
Homer: (Relieved) Oh, good. This makes up for me showing up drunk to the father-daughter dance.
Lisa: The dance isn't till next week.
Homer: Sorry, Lisa. Can't change the future.
(Mr. Burns and Smithers visit the morgue.)
Mr. Burns: Ah, nothing lifts my spirits like shopping. Let's see, (Points) I'll take his liver, a case of Adam's apples, (Points) that motorcycle man's mustache.
Smithers: Oh, the money you've contributed to anti-helmet laws has really paid off, sir.
Mr. Burns: Well, young people are my future.
Homer: That church service was so boring! I did a whole book of find-a-words.
Lisa: Dad, all you circled were the I's and A's.
Homer: Those are words.
(Mr. Burns takes Homer out for dinner.)
Mr. Burns: So, Simpson, I hear you like pizza pie.
Homer: I do! My favorite is Chicago deep-dish.
Mr. Burns: Chicago, eh? Well, what if I took us there now?
Homer: Drive to Chicago? I don't have time for that. I have to be back at work by Monday and my boss is a total jerk.
(Smithers helps Mr. Burns shop for a cell phone.)
Smithers: What happened to that mini-cell phone I gave you, sir?
Mr. Burns: Ooh, I thought that was a lemon drop.
(Mr. Burns stomach suddenly vibrates.)
Smithers: I'll go get the number de-listed.
