The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 19 Quotes
(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Marge serves Homer dinner.)
Marge: Homie, I made you my killer lasagna.
Homer's Brain: It's poison. Whatever you do, don't eat it.
(Homer takes a bite.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you're already eating it, but don't finish it.
(Homer finishes the lasagna.)
Homer's Brain: Okay, you finished it, but don't ask for--
Homer: Seconds, please.
Homer's Brain: You moron! Just kill her!
Homer: I'll kill her after dessert!
(Marge reaches into a pie on the table and pulls out two handguns, while Homer quickly produces a shotgun.)
Marge: You're a killer for hire!
Homer: You ruined that pie!
Now all I have to do is think of a clever line before I pull the trigger. (Thinks) Oh, that's a perfect one. But I don't need to say it out loud 'cause I'm by myself.
</i> Homer
(In "E.T. Go Home" Bart shows Kodos his bedroom.)
Bart: So, this is my Krusty doll, Funzo, Linguo, Iraq War Sergeant Activity with insufficient armor, Phonic Frog, cat skull, Jim Halterman bobble head doll. He's a local car dealer.
(Kodos grabs the bobble head doll.)
Kodos: Hmm. Do all humans have such weak necks, or just the one you call "Jim Halterman"?
(In "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson" Homer is talking to Mr. Burns via satellite.)
Mr. Burns: Greetings, 241.
Homer: Why does he always bring up my weight?
That concludes our Halloween show for this year. I just wanna say that for those watching this network, you're all going to Hell and that includes FX, Fox Sports, and our newest devil's portal, The Wall Street Journal. Welcome to the club!
Ned Flanders
(From "Mr. & Mrs. Simpson.")
Marge: All those nights I thought you were out getting drunk, you were out killing people?!
Homer: I was out getting drunk, then killing people!
Lisa: I can't believe that an alien who looked so evil turned out to be bad.
Marge: Hmm, I guess you should judge a book by its cover.
Secret Agent: Definitely! Especially if you count the inside flap as part of the cover, it usually gives you a great idea of what the book's about.
(to Gloria) Hey, baby. Listen carefully. Someone's been editing my biography on Wikipedia. I want you to kill him.
Snake
(During the hostage situation, Officer Eddie rushes a package to Chief Wiggum)
Chief Wiggum: Finally, the help we need--a DVD of The Negotiator.
(Chief Wiggum places the DVD into a portable DVD player.)
Chief Wiggum: Hmm, hmm. Which chapter should we skip to? "Meet Danny Roman," "Trouble Brewing," "Off the Case," "My Baby's In There," "Enter Niebaum," "Take the Shot," "Sabian's Choice," Check and Mate," "Friends at Last," "Closing Credits"?
Dwight: (to Hostages) Okay, this isn't the way I planned it, but you can make it out alive as long as there's no funny stuff.
Krusty the Clown: Don't worry about me. I was voted America's least funny clown. Worse than Scuzzo, Scummo, Oopsie, Carlos Mencia, Stinko, Blumpy. Even worse than Sergeant Serious! How could I do worse than him?! I stole all his jokes!
Marge: Homer, you cannot miss Lisa's big day. And you have to come sober!
Homer: American sober or Irish sober?
Marge: Point zero eight sober.
Homer: Point one five.
Marge: Point zero nine.
Homer: Point one oh, with a stomach full of bread. My final offer.
Marge: (Groans) Deal.
Marge: You have to be there! You missed way too many precious moments in the childrens' lives.
Homer: What?! Name twelve!
