The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 2 Quotes
(The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School Challenge on TV)
Game Show Host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Homer: Hitler!
Marge: (Questioning Homer) Hitler, North Dakota?
Patty and Selma: (In unison) Bismarck.
Girl Contestant: Bismarck!
Bart: (To Homer) Hitler?
Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy.
Game Show Host: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what?
Bart: Blue!
Homer: Yellow!
Bart: Orange!
Selma: Green.
Bart: Red!
Patty: Green.
Bart: Purple!
Homer: Red! White! Black! Green!
Girl Contestant: Green.
Homer: I was right! (Claps)
Lenny: Homer, don't be a sap all of your life. Just fill out a few medical insurance forms creatively. Charge that Dimoxinil stuff to the company.
Homer: But it's a thousand bucks. Burns would can my butt in no time flat.
Lenny: (Sarcastically) Ooh! A thousand bucks. So what? To Mr. Burns, that's one less ivory back scratcher.
(Homer, Lenny and Carl eat lunch at the power plant)
Homer: D'oh! Outta tartar sauce. They call this a portion? Hey, Lenny, are you gonna use all of your tartar sauce?
(Lenny slides his lunch tray away from Homer)
Homer: Dry fish sticks. This sucks.
Carl: Quit complaining, chrome dome.
Homer: D'oh! If I had hair, you wouldn't be calling me that!
(Homer runs through the town rejoicing about his new hair.)
Homer: Good morning, Moe's Tavern!
Barney: Hey! It's the president!
Uh, the long-term benefits more than offsetting the one-time cost for a net savings of f-five thousand, two, uh, hundred an--(Stammers) Oh, lots of money.
</i> Homer
(Mr. Burns and Smithers study security camera footage.)
Mr. Burns: Morons. Pathetic morons in my employ, stealing my precious money. This is hopeless. None of these cretins deserves a promotion.
Smithers: Well, it's in the union contract, sir. One token promotion from within per year.
Mr. Burns: Wait! Who is that young go-getter? (Points at a monitor with Homer on it.)
Smithers: Well, it sort of looks like (Chuckles) Homer Simpson, only more dynamic and resourceful.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, huh? Hmm. An unspoiled lump of clay to mold in my own image. Our new junior executive. Bring him to me!
Dad seems to be taking this in a less than heroic fashion.
</i> Lisa
Let the fools have their "tar-tar sauce."
Burns
(Homer pelts Mr. Burns with a snowball.)
Homer: (Chuckles) Gotcha Burnsie!
Mr. Burns: (Chuckles) Why, you young ragamuffin, I was never one to back away from a snowball fight. Smithers, you may fire at will.
Smithers: Certainly, sir!
(Martin gives a book report in front of class. Quoting Hemingway:)
Martin: "You're killing me, fish. Never have I seen a greater or more noble thing than you, brother. Come on and kill me. I do not care who kills who. To catch a fish, to kill a bull, to make love to a woman, to live." I thank you. (Bows)
(The classroom is stunned)
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh! Absolutely brilliant! There were moments I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin!
Martin: Oh, please, call me Papa.
(Bart places a ketchup packet on Martin's seat just before he sits down.)
Bart: A little ketchup for your buns, Papa?
(The Simpson family gathers around, as Homer places Bart's passed test on the fridge.)
Homer: We're proud of you, boy.
Bart: Thanks, Dad. But part of this D-minus belongs to God.
(Mrs. Krabappel awards Bart with an extra point on his test, after demonstrating some applied knowledge; this brings his grade from an F to a D-Minus.)
Bart: You mean, I... passed?
Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely!
Bart: (Gasps) I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed! (Tearfully joyful) All right!
(Bart kisses Mrs. Krabappel and dances out of the classroom.)
Bart: I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed!
(Bart runs around the front of the school showing off his test.)
Bart: I got a D-Minus! I passed! I got a D-Minus! I passed! I passed! I...(Disgusted) kissed the teacher! (Spits, coughs and blows raspberries.)
