The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 2 Quotes
(Homer barbeques on the back patio.)
Marge: (Groans) Homer, all these flies.
Homer: Not to worry. I'll just turn on the trusty bug zapper.
(The sound of a few bugs being zapped is then followed by a large zapping noise.)
Homer: Ooh, that was a big mama! (Chuckles)
(Serak the Preparer provides the Simpson family with a bounty of food.)
Marge: Well, thank you very much, Mr.--
Serak the Preparer: To pronounce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue.
Listen, you big, stupid space creature, nobody, but nobody, eats the Simpsons!
</i> Homer
(Lisa confronts Kang and Kodos.)
Lisa: Well, why were you trying to make us eat all the time?
Kang: Make you eat? We merely provided a sumptuous banquet. Frankly, you people made pigs of yourselves.
Serak the Preparer: (Crying) I slaved in the kitchen for days for you people. And
Kang: Well, if you wanted to make Serak the Preparer cry, mission accomplished.
(In the evil house, Marge catches the rest of the family trying to kill each other with knives.)
Marge: That does it. Children, get dressed. We're leaving.
Homer: Come on, Marge. You said you'd sleep on it.
Marge: I don't care what I said. This family has had its differences and we've squabbled, but we've never had knife fights before, and I blame this house.
(Kang shows off his TV to the Simpsons.)
Kang: On this cable system, we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy.
Bart: You get HBO?
Kang: No. That would cost extra.
(Lisa finishes reading The Raven.)
Bart: Lisa, that wasn't scary, not even for a poem.
Lisa: Well, it was written in 1845. Maybe people were easier to scare back then.
Bart: Oh, yeah. Like when you look at Friday the 13th, part one. It's pretty tame by today's standards.
I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars!
Marge
Dear God, give a bald guy a break. Amen.
Homer
(Homer is busy strangling Bart after he wasted the rest of the Dimoxinil.)
Homer: Boy...must...die!
Bart: (Groans) I love you, Dad!
Homer: D'oh!
(Homer stammers and lets Bart go.)
Homer: Dirty trick. Okay. I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm gonna tell you three things that are gonna haunt you for the rest of your days. You've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!
Bart: (Shocked) It is?
(Karl sits down for his interview for the assistant job with Homer)
Karl: You don't belong here.
Homer: Huh?
Karl: You don't belong here.
(Karl stands and points at Homer across the desk)
Karl: You're a fraud and a phony, and it's only a matter of time until they find you out.
Homer: (Gasps) Who told you?
Karl: You did. You told me with the way you slump your shoulders, the way you talk into your chest, the way you smother yourself in bargain-basement lime-green polyester.
(Marge discusses Homer's new hair with Patty and Selma.)
Marge: He's much happier at work and--Well, just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!
Patty: Mmm.
Selma: I don't wanna think about it.
