Tell him it's the "worst prognosis ever!" Hee hee hee.

Dr. Hibbert [about Comic Book Guy]

Your scar, like Tom Cruise's last good movie, was Born on the Fourth of July.

Comic Book Guy

This is late for Marge. I assume. I've never been home at this hour.


Go out on a Tuesday? Who am I, Charlie Sheen?


That wasn't the Wi-Fi - that was my Bell's Palsy acting up.


Bart: I'll buy the white wine.
Marge: You can't buy white wine!
Bart: Why not? Are you having red meat?

Marge: Why do you have to eat have to eat peanuts in the shower?
Homer: It gives me the fresh circus feeling in the morning.

Ah only took this refereein' gig 'cause ah was cold and they gave me this shirt.


And the only one who ever shot anyone is the baby.


In the strip club of my heart, you held da key to da champagne room. I loved you, man.

Fat Tony

I hope Heaven's outer room is painted that eggshell blue you could never achieve on Earth.


FBI Agent: You will be known as Nicky "Bluepants" Altosaxophoni.
Homer: Can I keep the name after I'm done?
Agent: No. It belongs to the government.

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes

Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!

Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.