The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 22 Quotes
Newsweek magazine did say it's good to change careers... right after they laid off all their editors.
Marge
I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.
Homer
You two look good - open casket good.
Grampa
Put a James Taylor CD in the stereo so they think it was a suicide.
Homer
Lisa: You're gonna regret the day you were born.
Bart: I already do, it's too close to Christmas.
Marge: In a good marriage you never say, "I told you so."
Homer: Which is good for me because you're always right.
He's cheating on Selma? Why go out for hamburger when you have rancid steak at home?
Homer
Tushy: every light in the house is a tanning light.
Marge: can you read by it?
Tushy: no one's ever tried.
The only husband of Selma's I ever liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat until he found out she didn't like disco music.
Marge
Marge: He's mad about a sport result.
Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals can't win the 1985 World Series on classic sports.
Comic Book Guy: How do you know the bride?
Marge: I'm her sister, you?
Comic Book Guy: I bought her ping pong table off cragislist. Color yourself slighted.
Fat Tony: Call that doctor that owes us a favor.
Louise: Actually we owe him a favor
Fat Tony: Do him two favors and then remind him that he owes us a favor.
