Monica: See, see? That's where you and Hayward differ. He's gonna burn Westview to the ground just to get what he wants. Don't let him make you the villain.
Wanda: Maybe I already am.

You know, part of me secretly wanted a guest spot on the show, but seriously, that sucked.

Darcy

Darcy: Can I help you, creeper?
Vision: You don't remember me from last night? We locked eyes. There was a unspoken understanding.
Darcy: Um, hard pass.

As punishment for my reckless evening, I plan on taking a quarantine-style staycation. A whole day just to myself. That'll show me.

Pietro: Hey, I'm not some stranger and I'm not your husband. You can talk to me.
Wanda: I don't know how I did it. I...I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. I just...Endless nothingness.

Agnes: You're one of the Avengers. You're Vision. Are you here to help us?
Vision: I am Vision. I do want to help. But what's an Avenger?
Agnes: What? Why don't you know? Am I dead?
Vision: No, no. Why would you think that?
Agnes: Because you are.
Vision: Cause I'm what?
Agnes: Dead.

Pietro: I can't believe you're making them return all the candy.
Wanda: I can't believe what a bad influence you are.
Pietro: Who beefed in your borscht? I'm just trying to do my part, okay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats, and ultimately give you grief. I mean, that's what you wanted, isn't it?

If Wanda is the problem, she has to be our solution.

Monica

Wanda: It's their first Halloween. You have to be there.
Pietro: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the big dealio? Big guy has a conflict, twins need a father figure for the night. Don't sweat it, sis. I got the old XY chromosome. Uncle P to the rescue, huh?
Vision: There you go. Problem solved.

Billy: Whoa, Mom. Are you old Red Riding Hood?
Wanda: I'm a Sokovian fortune teller.

I am trying to tell you that there are rules in life, okay? We can't rush aging just because it's convenient. And we can't reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Okay? Some things are forever.

Tommy: Do you have a brother, Mom?
Wanda: I do. Yeah. He's far away from here. And that makes me sad sometimes.

WandaVision Quotes

Norm: You're like a walking computer.
Vision: What? I most certainly am not. I'm a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter, much like yourself, Norm.

Vision: My wife and her flying saucers.
Wanda: My husband and his indestructible head.
Vision: Aren't we a fine pair?