Wynonna Earp
Fridays 10:00 PM on SyFyWynonna Earp Season 4 Episode 9: "Crazy" Quotes
Wynonna: Exactly, so much happens around here, so relax. Go outside. It’s above zero out there. Because right now things are fine. We offed pumpkin head. Amon’s disappeared in the ether. We’re good.
Jeremy: Ah yes, you brought the lattes. Oh no, this isn’t mine.
Waverly: Not your cherry pie that you spilled all over your apron.
Jeremy: Not my cherry pie, but a cherry pie that we need to investigate because whoever’s making these cherry pies is still out there and might bake again.
Jeremy: He won Shorty’s trivia last week.
Wynonna: Oh my god. Is that tragic?
Jeremy: I mean he was part of the community, our community, not yours. Obviously because you lost.
Wynonna: I know I was eliminated, but how was I supposed to know Toby Maguire isn’t Spiderman anymore?
Jeremy: We all know.
Wynonna: Hey, it’s OK. I get it. You’re a vamp. You got the hungs. That guy was num nums. Welcome back to the moral low ground. There’s a great mattress down here that we could absolutely demolish.
Doc: What you implying is faulty. I have devised a morally sound way to satisfy my needs.
Wynonna: Morally sound? Um, you’re chilling at a demon bar.
Doc: They may be demons but they would never…
Wynonna: Oh, shoot some in the back. Well, how about the front?
Man: That’s not all.
Jeremy: What is it?
Man: I tried to break the fight up. Told the guy to cool off.
Jeremy: Did he attack you?
Man: Worse, while he was dragging the girl to the car, he turned to me and said, ‘I wish you would eat shit.’
Jeremy: Yeah, that’s weird phrasing.
Man: Yeah, and then I went and ate shit. I don’t even like shit.
Waverly: Well, we know he has a small dick.
Wynonna: I probably dated him.
Jinni: Oh shit, that’s the gun that kills us. You’re her?
Wynonna: Damn right.
Jinni: Girl, it’s chill, ‘kay. I’m chill.
Wynonna: It’s you. You did it, didn’t you?
Jinni: Yes, but it’s not me. It’s his wishes.
Wynonna: Wishes?
Jinni: I’m a genie. Kuru’s wish is my command, and his wishes are fucking nuts.
Wynonna: Why does he want you to kill them?
Jinni: He wants to be the smartest guy in town, so he makes me kill all the smartest people in town. I mean usually keepers…
Wynonna: Keepers, you need to stop.
Jinni: Well, usually, they’re all like, ‘I want guns for hands,’ or like a laser dick, but not Doug.
Wynonna: Why doesn’t he just wish to be the smartest guy in town?
Jinni: Because he’s not the smartest.
Wynonna: I’m not leaving here until he’s caught.
Jeremy: Yes, great idea. You stay here. I go to trivia night.
Wynonna: Whoa, Jeremy we need to find a killer. There will be other trivia nights.
Jeremy: No, no, no, tonight is the finals. It’s critical.
Wynonna: Jeremy, it’s your beautiful brain.
Jeremy: What?
Wynonna: Trivia night. Jinni said he wants to find the smartest people so he can eat their brains. Your brain.
Jeremy: That’s nuts.
Wynonna: It is because random trivia is obviously not an accurate way to judge intelligence, otherwise I’d still be in it.
Jeremy: Well...
Nicole: I lost everything – the woman I love, my friends. Then I lost the election to Holt. It was the last straw so I did something.
Waverly: Is this a froggy thing again?
Nicole: Now everybody in Purgatory hates me.
Waverly: So? Everybody hates Wynonna. She’s still Wynonna. I’m sure it’s fine.
Nicole: It’s not.
Waverly: Look, brain stain aside, you’re so close to being happy. I never want you to blunt your ambition. It’s one of the things that makes you, you.
Nicole: I got you back. That’s my happy.
Jinni: So wait, now he’s the vampire demon leader?
Wynonna: I know it’s messed up.
Jinni: I can tell you love messed up. At least I know my keeper.
Wynonna: Stop saying that word.
Jinni: Why?
Wynonna: Because it’s got horrible connotations.
Jinni: That’s the reality for some of us. Both of us.
Wynonna: I still have the gun that can kill you.
Jinni: Or does it have you, honey?
Hello, you losers didn’t vote for me for sheriff, but I stayed. I’m the one who stayed. Now you just want to stuff your dumb faces while celebrating Holt. Well, fuck your votes. Fuck your dinner. Fuck this chicken.
Nicole
Doc: You were gonna trade me to the Clantons.
Nicole: Look, there’s no excuse, OK. But I had reasons. They brought Waverly home to me.
Doc: I was a part of that too.
Nicole: I know. I will be forever grateful. Doc, I’m sorry, but I had to be sure.
Doc: What did they want with me?
Nicole: No clue, but I knew that whatever it was, you could handle it, and if you didn’t, then we were going to figure it out together. I’d fight for you too, Doc.
Doc: And I appreciate that Sheriff Haught.
Nicole: You’re the only one who still calls me that.
Doc: Badge alone does not give the authority.
