Wynonna Earp
Fridays 10:00 PM on SyFyWynonna Earp Quotes
Doc: Luckily, this house was built by strong hands from stubborn wood.
Wynonna: That’s what I used to call my last boyfriend. [pauses] Inappropriate.
Rachel: Because he died or because he’s Waverly’s angel dad?
Wynonna: Yes.
Wynonna: Well, here’s what I know you didn’t do: You didn’t give up on us when we were in the Garden. And a year and a half, that’s a long time to keep the faith.
Nicole: The thing is I did give up. Not at first, at first I believed that Waverly and you and Doc were going to get home safe, but 18 months went by, and I woke up one day…
Wynonna: Nicole, did you do something to get us home? Never mind, I didn’t ask, I didn’t ask. Do you want to hear my sob story?
Nicole: Uh-huh, I do, really.
Wynonna: Peacemaker actively rejected me today.
Nicole: You want me to frog barf on her?
Wynonna: Yes.
Wynonna: Geezers get fuzzy. They remember things the way they want to, not the way it happened.
Doc: Yeah, well, I do not have the luxury of growing old and forgetting all the things I have done.
Wynonna: Well, next time, don’t make a deal with the Stone Witch and become a vampire. What would Wyatt think of all this? You think he would be proud of me?
Doc: I am no longer certain you would be proud of him.
Doc: I’m urging us to find a more measured response.
Wynonna: This coming from the guy who works for the biggest demon Dong Corleone in town.
Doc: I’ve never seen Amon’s… I definitely don’t know the size of…
Wynonna: So take a look.
Wynonna: Whoa, boner alert.
Nicole: Yeah, you look pretty good too, sis.
Wynonna: Yeah, we can get it. You ready?
Nicole: Ready? I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life.
Wynonna: C’mon.
Nicole: I can’t believe I’m walking down the aisle to become Waverly Earp’s wife.
Wynonna: Well, you sacrificed a lot to keep this place safe.
Nicole: Well, this place is my home, and you guys are my family.
Doc: Morning.
Wynonna: What are you doing sneaking around my barn?
Doc: What are you doing sleeping with a pistol under your pillow?
Wynonna: It’s my bedroom. I’ll ask the questions.
Doc: I’ve been keeping watch.
Wynonna: Over me?
Doc: Over all of you. As of late, we have been under siege.
Wynonna: Hey, fastest gunslinger in the west, I outdrew you.
Doc: I did not draw at all.
Wynonna: You ever been outdrawn?
Doc: Honestly, nope.
Wynonna: Do you not need to sleep anymore, now that you’re…
Doc: It’s one of the benefits of my condition.
Wynonna: We don’t talk about that anymore.
Doc: There is much that we fail to discuss.
Wynonna: Talking is overrated. Doc, did you eat another fireman?
Doc: Do not commit such a childish act.
Wynonna: You want to see childish. How about this? Is childish… To prove a very adult point, a very grownup, sexy point.
Doc: Wynonna, give me the keys.
Wynonna: My wiener has them. They’re on the driver. Speaking of wieners, I bet those crates have condoms.
Doc: I got some tools in my car. It is up the road. I shall grab them, and I suppose I shall liberate you too.
Waverly: We do things here as a team.
Rachel: I work better alone, always have.
Wynonna: You don’t work at all. You’re 17 years old. Just let her go guys. She’s earned the right to be that pissed, but we have bigger things to worry about, like we work as a team and part of our team is missing. Let’s get our nerd back.
Waverly: OK, how do we get Jeremy away from the border and Black Badge?
Wynonna: We tell the truth, and then we beg.
Naomi: You can’t just barge in Arp.
Wynonna: Earp. Wynonna fucking Earp. I am the best damn demon hunter Black Badge ever saw. I’m Carol.
Jeremy: Look, Wynonna, you don’t get it.
Wynonna: No, you don’t get it. I’m done lying. I’m done hiding. I just got beat by something extremely balls deep scary.
Jeremy: You OK?
Wynonna: Jeremy, I don’t have Peacemaker.
Jeremy: Wy, that ain’t kosher.
Wynonna: All I have is my people. I need you back, Jeremy. You and Robin, if he’s here.
Jeremy: He’s safe. Just keep him out of this.
Wynonna: I need everybody. So here’s what happens next Blue Tang Jane.
Naomi: Is that a fish joke?
Wynonna: I leave here with Jeremy. Together we take back the Black Badge offices in Purgatory. We reinstate my posse of dipshits, and we hunt some goddamn demons.
Naomi: It’s just… it’s not that simple.
Wynonna: It can be. Think of me like a goldfish: dumb and determined.
Naomi: Agent Earp, our bosses expect results. If you think I’m afraid of demons, wait until you meet upper management. This is your call, Agent Chetri.
Jeremy: They can get it done, with my help.
Naomi: This team of yours must be pretty special.
Wynonna: The best.
Doc: You saw Jeremy, and you didn’t tell me.
Wynonna: Literally just happened. He’s fine.
Doc: He’s probably a hostage, for which you have just bought into Black Badge’s gaslighting. Rule No. 1, Wynonna: We do not work for the enemy.
Wynonna: We both know that Rule No. 1 is triple check the birth control.
Wynonna: So what’s my first mish? Is this about finding and rescuing Robin, ‘cause I will, Jer.
Jeremy: It’s a problem we’re having with things. Robin are supply trucks. Our biggest challenge is getting provisions into Purgatory without it getting hijacked or worse.
Wynonna: All right, you need me to hunt down and kill whatever’s stealing freight and killing drivers. Got it.
Jeremy: I need you sitting in the truck.
Wynonna: Driving? You don’t ask Cate Blanchett to be a background extra. You make her Carol. Forget the cover, I’m a demon hunter, man. I am Carol.
Jeremy: And I’m a scientist with an empathetic crotch.
Wynonna: Yeah.
Jeremy: But BBD can’t find out who we really are right now. They don’t like supernatural things, Wynonna, like us. We need to get Purgatory food, medicine, booze.
Wynonna: Always lead with booze. You know yesterday the good citizens of my hometown tried to hang me for murder.
Jeremy: Yeah, they just need snacks, Wynonna. They’re kind of hangry.
Margo: Do let me know if you’re looking for anything in particular?
Waverly: Any vintage silverware?
Margo: Cutlery? Knives?
Waverly: A little bigger. Say swords.
Margo: Planning to storm a castle? Got a princess to save?
Nicole: Halloween costume. I’m going as She-Ra.
Waverly: Oh my god, I would die.
