Younger
Thursdays on Paramount+Younger Quotes
Charles: You’re a lot taller than your dad, aren’t you?
Topher: Yeah, I’m pretty much taller than the rest of family. Don’t look like my dad’s side either.
Liza: Oh, why do you think that might be?
Topher: Well, if you knew my mom back then, you might have heard a rumor that she slept with some lobster boat townie. She got pretty wild.
Charles: Your mother, I find that hard to believe. She’s such an old-fashioned woman.
Topher: The only thing old-fashioned about my mom is how much she likes to drink them. Can I ask you something?
Charles: Shoot.
Topher: Are we here to talk about my mom’s infidelity, or are we trying to figure out how to make some cash on my dad’s estate?
Liza: Are you OK? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.
Charles: I did kind of. Ian Clark just BRB’d me.
Liza: That’s not how you say it.
Charles: My past is coming back to haunt me.
Charles: We miss you at the office.
Diana: I’m sure the fluorescent lights a little dimmer without me there, Charles.
Liza: I recognize that voice, Diane. Hi, how are you? How’s Italy? How’s Enzo?
Diana: Liza, one question at a time, please.
Liza: Oh, I miss you scolding me.
Diana: I know I should be back now, but I’m having a surprisingly good time, and as difficult as it is for me to admit this, I am not ready to return to work.
Cass: She can’t keep her hands off you.
Maggie: We’re new. You know how it is.
Cass: I don’t. I don’t. Camila and I never really had a honeymoon period. Didn’t do much on the honeymoon either. Between you and me, she has trouble finishing.
Maggie: I’m so sorry to hear that.
Cass: I try and I try, and she says it’s not me, but it didn’t help that when we first hooked up I accidently stuck my finger in her butt and she screamed, ‘Wrong hole.’
Maggie: Oh boy. I hope you told that story at the wedding.
Cass: I sometimes think she should outsource if I don’t satisfy her.
Maggie: That’s really open of you.
Cass: Then I think about that woman, and I want to kill. I think about the two of them together. I want to kill them both.
Maggie: Look, I’m so sorry, OK.
Cass: For what? Your problematic show about trans women I was forced to defend, or that the whole class saw my wife’s breasts?
Maggie: The second one.
Cass: Maybe you’re not a good fit here after all.
Maggie: Wait, I can explain. Camila was texting me her you know because we’re doing a sculpture for you of her bust. And it was supposed to be a surprise for your anniversary.
Cass: That was last month.
Maggie: Which makes it even more of a surprise.
Cass: Fine, fine, all of this has been very distressing, but it’s not grounds to fire you, so let’s just forget it and move on.
Maggie: And these? How do I respond to these? I don’t want to heart them. I mean what am I supposed to do, do a thumbs up? I mean they’re good boobs. I don’t want to make her feel bad about her boobs.
Josh: No, no, you definitely don’t want that.
Liza: Well, that’s the problem with nudes. You’re forced to affirm them.
Josh: Forced? Wow, I don’t recall you ever complaining.
Liza: Well, I didn’t want to make you feel bad. There are only so many winky faces, tongue out, hot flame emojis you can reply with. It’s exhausting.
KT: Why does Josh have all this baby stuff in his room?
Lauren: Um, you know what, that’s actually none of my business. That’s between you two, not me. That’s private. OK? OK, cool. Good, I am so glad we didn’t discuss that.
Liza: You’re letting her borrow your daughters?
Charles: It’s no big deal.
Liza: It is a big deal, Charles. I wasn’t going to say anything, but it feels irresponsible if I don’t at this point. I just got confirmation that you’re being used.
Charles: What are you talking about?
Liza: I heard from my source that Quinn is announcing her run for governor tonight, right now, and she’s using your family to give her the picture perfect image she didn’t have last time around. It’s the truth.
Liza: I owe you an apology.
Charles: Forget it.
Liza: No, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize… I just want what’s best for you.
Charles: I said forget it. You want what’s best for me? Stay out of my personal life. It’s best for us, Liza.
Liza: No offense Redman, but generic label murder she wrote doesn’t sound very current.
Redman: Well, that’s the point. It’s cozy. There’s tea and knitting and gentle crime among upper middle class white folks in coastal Maine. No, it’s not current, but it does somehow defy the times.
Kelsey: Redman, are you kidding?
Liza: There used to be a time where you were a resource for Millennial.
Redman: Millennial, um, I thought Millennial can't come to the phone right now. Why, ‘cause she’s dead.
Kelsey: We would still like relevant authors. Not dinosaurs. That is not our brand.
Redman: That is exactly your brand. Millennial, Empiricial, Mercury, Sterling Peters Brooks, whatever you want to call it, ‘Murder She Blogged’ is essentially the female ‘Arabian Sea.’ I should congratulate you. You ladies have emerged of the mid-lit leaders of the new decade?
Kelsey: Mid-lit?
Redman: Middle aged literature. Last I heard, your pipeline was stacked with historical pop boilers. True or false?
Liza: Well, yes…
Redman: Well, if you want to stay in that age bracket, the least you could do is get the she/her point of view. Come on. This is a win-win. I can see it now. You publish the book. CBS turns it into a procedural starring Betty White. Metamucil pays the ad sales up front, and we all reap the benefits. Lean into your identity ladies. We all gotta eat.
Liza: Congratulations on your big night. I’ve got somewhere to be.
Quinn: Is that all you want to say?
Liza: Excuse me?
Quinn: The next time you investigate me, you might want to double check your sources.
Liza: I was doing my due diligence as an editor when I fact-checked your book. It’s my job.
Quinn: Is it also your job to spread rumors about me to my own boyfriend?
Liza: It wasn’t a rumor. I spoke with your former campaign manager.
Quinn: Former? No, she still works for me, and you better believe when I announce my run for governor, it’s not going to be a two-bit book party like this.
Liza: You set me up.
Quinn: You set yourself up. You act like you’re trying to protect Charles. All you are doing is hurting him by holding on.
Lauren: Wait, wait, so we hate each other and we make snide remarks like, ‘Wow, you sound just like your mother right now.’ That’ll be fun, don’t you think?
Maggie: No, this is not supposed to be fun. We’re only here because I want to keep my job. I told Cass this is new, so we don’t hate each other yet.
Lauren: OK, not what I prepared, but I can take a note. New couple, lovey dovey, googly eyes, horny. Got it.
Maggie: No horny vibes around the wife. I don’t know what’s going to set her off.
Lauren: Well, it’s not what you told me.
