Female Executive: Jimmy! How's it coming?
Jimmy: I'm sorry, Female Executive, I can't do it. I'm a fraud of a writer. Can't I just write the roller coaster book?
Female Executive: We already gave that to Neil Gaiman.

• Permalink: We already gave that to Neil Gaiman.
• Added: October 08, 2015

Killian: Can I go back to school? My mom says I'm the man of the house now and that I have to get an education.
Jimmy: Sorry, when I gave you that sleeve of Poptarts was that for your help or your biography?

• Permalink: Sorry, when I gave you that sleeve of Poptarts was that for your help or your biography?
• Added: October 08, 2015

Edgar: So, Dorothy, you're in 'Brian'? I didn't know they had a girl.
Dorothy: Yeah, yeah, that's me. The lone vulva.

• Permalink: Yeah, yeah, that's me. The lone vulva.
• Added: October 08, 2015

[singing] I'm so smart, I got nothing on my mind. I've got zero to-dos and that's just fine.

Amy

• Permalink: I'm so smart, I got nothing on my mind. I've got zero to-dos and that's just fine.
• Added: October 01, 2015

Strasburg: Critique me.
Jimmy: OK, well, the image of the endless Costco aisle seems somewhat derivative of DeLillo.
Strasburg: Get out.

• Permalink: Get out.
• Added: October 01, 2015

Gretchen: Why would I pay you rent? It's your house.
Jimmy: Your ability to bend semantics to best fit your financial interests is quite impressive.
Gretchen: I'm all about that paper.

• Permalink: I'm all about that paper.
• Added: October 01, 2015

Turns out Honeynutz rhymes with Honey BUTTS.

Sam

• Permalink: Turns out Honeynutz rhymes with Honey BUTTS.
• Added: September 30, 2015

Lindsay: Have fun having hand sex with your girlfriend in the woods!
Paul: If you must know... I'm able to finish with her REGULAR.

• Permalink: If you must know... I'm able to finish with her REGULAR.
• Added: September 30, 2015

Jimmy: Hey, do you want to get a lap dance with me?
Gretchen: Oh, hell yeah I do!

• Permalink: Oh, hell yeah I do!
• Added: September 30, 2015

Scrambled eggs? A dish so pedestrian its name is the recipe?

Jimmy

• Permalink: Scrambled eggs? A dish so pedestrian its name is the recipe?
• Added: September 30, 2015

Lindsay: She's [Amy's] nice. And you're nice. And Paul is nice, and I'm... well... not.
Edgar: I think you're great--
Lindsay: No. I'm materialistic. I'm incapable of being alone. I never really learned to shower that good. I almost always forget to flush the--
[Edgar kisses her]

• Permalink: No. I'm materialistic. I'm incapable of being alone. I never really learned to shower that...
• Added: September 23, 2015

(about Paul) Hate that dork. Why's he got to ruin puzzles with the third D?

Vernon

• Permalink: Hate that dork. Why's he got to ruin puzzles with the third D?
• Added: September 23, 2015